In the story of David and Bathsheba, we have a very interesting person who seems to get the short end of the situation. But I often wonder if this is the only way to look at this portion of text. I say that because Uriah the Hittite represents one of my greatest fears.
Before I explain my views on this portion of text, let me give just a bit of background information about myself. My father had 5 brothers. I lived in the house with my dad and my oldest male cousin who was 12 years older than myself. So you can say almost all of my childhood was one of feeling very protected, affirmed, and loved. I was my dad's only child so I was destined to be treated a certain way, better known as spoiled. With this many men in my childhood I was destined to not only get most anything that I wanted, because if one uncle said no, another uncle would either say yes, or find some way to compensate by offering something else that I might want. For example, if one uncle would not give me ice cream from the gas station up the street, all I had to do was to come back and make an announcement that I didnt get any ice cream. This would be followed by the men having conversation about why I was denied ice cream or what ever it was that I wanted. And not much time would pass before another uncle would invite me to go for a ride with him, only to end up at Kay's Ice Cream shop which had a whole bunch of flavors on display for me to choose from. This understanding of how men treat those they care for and love has framed my understanding of relationships in general. It has also set the bar for how I measure the behavior of men as an adult.
Growing up in a small town, during a time when people actually sat around and communicated with each other gave me a lot of insight from the perspectives of my aunts while they were stringing and breaking green beans or something. And many times, I got to hear the conversations (while I was supposed to be playing in the yard and not listening) of my dad and his brothers talking about community issues, political events, but also to hear a lot of conversation about women and relationships. By the time I got to be a teenager, my dad started to really talk to me about relationships directly. And those conversations helped me to understand how and why he treated some of the women that he dated differently from others.
Now back to Uriah, in 2 Samuel 11, we are told the events that lead to his death in the hottest battle. But before he died, he was given a chance to go home to his wife. Now upon reading the story, this was not as any favor to Uriah, but it was truly a set up to cover up what was going on with David and Bathsheba. So this is where I am going to talk briefly about Bathsheba's perspective, and how it reflects one of my greatest fears.
We really dont know anything about Bathsheba and Uriah's relationship. We have no idea what Bathsheba shared with King David about her relationship or home situation. We are not given any insight into the pillow talk that Bathsheba had with Uriah or with King David. So what we have to go on are just the facts that are presented in the text. I have heard it preached from a lot of different angles, and most of the time those angles portray Bathsheba as having negative behavior and motives, which I am not completely sure are presented in the wording or the tone of the text. But I am not going to debate that at this time. I want to really get to a woman's perspective of Uriah's decision not to go home to his wife.
Human behavior is very telling. Regardless of what a person says, their behavior tells the much larger portion of the truth. This frame of logic is how we are going to view Uriah's decision to sleep outside and not go home to his wife. I am going to simply say that he didnt want her, he didnt want to go home to her. He was a soldier who knew that he could die in battle any day, and he is given a chance to go home for a few nights to his wife and he would rather not, and says that it is his loyalty to the other soldiers who are not able to have this same opportunity to visit home.
A man in love, doesnt usually, really doesnt operate like that because love makes a man want to take every opportunity to spend time with the woman that he loves, even if it means returning to battle and his death the next day..... That is even more justification for him to take the opportunity to spend the night with the woman he loves. A man in love is caring and attentive, and willing to do his best to make sure the woman that he loves is happy. It was not as if Uriah was sneaking away to visit home, but he told to go home. Now we dont know if he suspected something, or even if he had heard gossip, because that is not given to us in the text, all we have is the excuse that he uses to not go into his home to his wife.
So can you imagine what that must have felt like for Bathsheba? Her husband is in town, but is sleeping outside with servants and refusing to come home to her. This is rejection, neglect, and disregard. Those are the things that a woman will get from a man who does not love her. So imagine Bathsheba being married to a man who has so little affinity or interest in being a husband to her. You might ask, so does this validate the theories that she was intentionally trying to be seen bathing? I dont know. But what we do see is a married man who declares more loyalty to the army and to the king, than to his wife, or even a desire for her.
To be in a relationship marriage with someone who does not love you and who does not want you is a miserable way to live out your days. Having to pretend to family and friends that everything is ok when there is no real love or passion is hurtful and draining. God's plan for marriage is for it to be the most loving and nourishing experience that affirms both the man and woman, in such a way that their bond is both spiritually and naturally strong. So when we see Bathsheba move on with her life after Uriah's death, I cant help but to think that she must have mourned his death, but that she must have also been relieved to not have to any longer pretend that she was loved and cared for my a man who really didnt want to come home to her. With Uriah out of the way, Bathsheba was free to be loved and cherished.
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
May 13, 2018
February 14, 2018
LOVE IS MIGHTY
The holiday that is celebrated as Valentine's Day is completely made up by the materialistic and capitalistic agenda. There was a historical martyr who was killed for secretly marrying Christian couples during a time when it was forbidden. And this is significant for several reasons, because I can see our culture drifting towards attempting to make it illegal once again for Christians to marry, but that truth is not what is discussed on the holiday celebrated by this name. The world likes the money making aspect of the holidays, but wants to remove the Christian significance. And this holiday is no different. Mostly started by greeting card companies and embraced by jewelry distributors because it stands to bring great profits to their companies by simply selling a desired concept - Love.
The truth of the matter is that love is much greater and stronger than any card, flowers, candy or jewelry can represent. Yes, we all like to receive gifts. Yes, we appreciate that someone thinks enough to invest in showing how much they care. There is no question about that at all.
Love is spiritual. Love is a spiritual act. Love is about positive impact in the life of another person.
Love is essentially at the core of the human ability to understand how much God considers humanity (John 3:16). God's love can be gentle and kind, but God's love can also be redirecting and correcting. This is not the way that the marketing world wants you to see God's love. The little fat angels with arrows are completely different from the might angels that move at God's command. In this same way, the world shrinks love down to a materialistic expression. When in truth everything about God's love is mighty.
In this way, when God becomes the binding force in a relationship it becomes unbreakable. (Eccl 4:9-12). To love and to be loved is a beautiful thing that allows one to flourish in every aspect of life. The companionship is different from any other type of interaction. Love that is grounded in God's Love is nourishing. The love that the world markets at its core is like a leech, always looking for opportunity to deplete and take more and more without regard for return. But when God is at the core of love, there is a freedom to give and be what the other person needs without any consideration for the return, because the entire experience is enveloped in mutuality.
Mutuality is not the same as equality. Men can handle physical things that a woman was not designed to handle, and women can handle physical things that a man was not designed to handle. Here again, the secular world attempts to rebrand what God created. Men and women are designed by God with specific intention, and there are some distinct differences both in physical characteristics and skill sets. For example: A man's body is not designed or equipped to bring a living breathing life into this world, but a woman's body is built receive the seed, to carry the developing life, deliver the person into this world, and to feed the new person until the person is able to eat from other food sources. God designs with intention.
Each gender brings something complementary to the characteristics of the other. This is by God's design. Men and women were never created to contradict each other nor to be in competition with each other, but were created to contrast each other in a way that draws emphasis that displays the other. Men and women were designed to compliment each other.
The secular world screams for equality, but God's economy of love was created for us to bring to the other person what they dont have within their own self. This is what physical attraction is about and is at the core necessity of intimacy. Society attempts to devalue what is the most priceless part of how God created male and female, with distinction. Yes, there are plenty of things that a man can do just as well as a women, and there are plenty of things that a woman can do just as well as a man. But, when it is all said and done, we were not created for sameness, so even in having some of the same skill sets and many features in common, we are different and where created for the purpose of being what the other needs, but does not contain within self.
We must be careful not to allow similar skill sets to appear to be signs of compatibility. Team members often have the same strengths and the same passion, but each also has to bring something that the other does not have or possess. This is what makes the team a well functioning unit and a couple is a well functioning unit, a team.
This is why it is important to be equally yoked, for the productivity of the team (2 Corinthians 6:14). Both spiritually and naturally, this is important. When your life is connected to the life of another person, you have to agree on which direction and for what you are working towards. Common sense would tell you that you cant have one person wanting to go North and the other person wanting to go South, because then all of their energy is depleted in the internal struggle of the team not going the same direction. When there is a tug of war in a relationship, sadly, someone wins. And this means that someone is losing ground on the direction they want to go towards. This changes what should be a win-win into a win-lose. This is why it is so important to attach your life to someone who is spiritually going the same direction as yourself. When both individuals are determined to go in the same direction, then there is an agreement of effort that become empowering, because both are using their strengths and skills to move forward. The team wins together.
Traditional marriage is attacked because it is evident how strong a well working unit is in accomplishing anything that the team sets its mind to accomplish. God created marriage that way, and God designed it so that LOVE is central to motivate the individuals to withstand the most challenging of times and situations to stay focused on the end result of the family.
Growing together in God is empowering. With the love of Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Ghost, the Christian couple is unified and formidable .
Godly love has a ripple affect of blessings in the life of the Christian.
The truth of the matter is that love is much greater and stronger than any card, flowers, candy or jewelry can represent. Yes, we all like to receive gifts. Yes, we appreciate that someone thinks enough to invest in showing how much they care. There is no question about that at all.
Love is spiritual. Love is a spiritual act. Love is about positive impact in the life of another person.
Love is essentially at the core of the human ability to understand how much God considers humanity (John 3:16). God's love can be gentle and kind, but God's love can also be redirecting and correcting. This is not the way that the marketing world wants you to see God's love. The little fat angels with arrows are completely different from the might angels that move at God's command. In this same way, the world shrinks love down to a materialistic expression. When in truth everything about God's love is mighty.
In this way, when God becomes the binding force in a relationship it becomes unbreakable. (Eccl 4:9-12). To love and to be loved is a beautiful thing that allows one to flourish in every aspect of life. The companionship is different from any other type of interaction. Love that is grounded in God's Love is nourishing. The love that the world markets at its core is like a leech, always looking for opportunity to deplete and take more and more without regard for return. But when God is at the core of love, there is a freedom to give and be what the other person needs without any consideration for the return, because the entire experience is enveloped in mutuality.
Mutuality is not the same as equality. Men can handle physical things that a woman was not designed to handle, and women can handle physical things that a man was not designed to handle. Here again, the secular world attempts to rebrand what God created. Men and women are designed by God with specific intention, and there are some distinct differences both in physical characteristics and skill sets. For example: A man's body is not designed or equipped to bring a living breathing life into this world, but a woman's body is built receive the seed, to carry the developing life, deliver the person into this world, and to feed the new person until the person is able to eat from other food sources. God designs with intention.
Each gender brings something complementary to the characteristics of the other. This is by God's design. Men and women were never created to contradict each other nor to be in competition with each other, but were created to contrast each other in a way that draws emphasis that displays the other. Men and women were designed to compliment each other.
The secular world screams for equality, but God's economy of love was created for us to bring to the other person what they dont have within their own self. This is what physical attraction is about and is at the core necessity of intimacy. Society attempts to devalue what is the most priceless part of how God created male and female, with distinction. Yes, there are plenty of things that a man can do just as well as a women, and there are plenty of things that a woman can do just as well as a man. But, when it is all said and done, we were not created for sameness, so even in having some of the same skill sets and many features in common, we are different and where created for the purpose of being what the other needs, but does not contain within self.
We must be careful not to allow similar skill sets to appear to be signs of compatibility. Team members often have the same strengths and the same passion, but each also has to bring something that the other does not have or possess. This is what makes the team a well functioning unit and a couple is a well functioning unit, a team.
This is why it is important to be equally yoked, for the productivity of the team (2 Corinthians 6:14). Both spiritually and naturally, this is important. When your life is connected to the life of another person, you have to agree on which direction and for what you are working towards. Common sense would tell you that you cant have one person wanting to go North and the other person wanting to go South, because then all of their energy is depleted in the internal struggle of the team not going the same direction. When there is a tug of war in a relationship, sadly, someone wins. And this means that someone is losing ground on the direction they want to go towards. This changes what should be a win-win into a win-lose. This is why it is so important to attach your life to someone who is spiritually going the same direction as yourself. When both individuals are determined to go in the same direction, then there is an agreement of effort that become empowering, because both are using their strengths and skills to move forward. The team wins together.
Traditional marriage is attacked because it is evident how strong a well working unit is in accomplishing anything that the team sets its mind to accomplish. God created marriage that way, and God designed it so that LOVE is central to motivate the individuals to withstand the most challenging of times and situations to stay focused on the end result of the family.
Growing together in God is empowering. With the love of Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Ghost, the Christian couple is unified and formidable .
Godly love has a ripple affect of blessings in the life of the Christian.
September 1, 2017
Unplanned PLAN
There are clearly some things that were not in my plans for my life, but they were ultimately part of God's Plan for my life. Today I have really been giving some thought to my journey. Recently, it would seem that things are going exactly the way that I was trying to prevent having to deal with. I want the final outcome, but not the challenges that would be the risk of losing something to gain something. Not in the same way that I invest in products for my business to be able to provide a service to my clients. But more like a mother who wants to have a new baby, but does not want to feel the pains of labor.
In recent years, there have been medical advances that have taken away the necessity of enduring the pain of labor. And overall, our world is filled with comforts that take the work out of many of the every day processes of life. Washing machines, electric saws, power tools, and on and on. I think back to learning how to make cake icing, and the process required this combination of mixing and whisking to blend the ingredients, and even after they were blended, you had to whisk the mixture at least 100 strokes to make the icing have the correct fluffy texture. And even now that I have many of the electric kitchen tools, there are some things that to me just dont come out the same without the work of doing it by hand, and icing is one of those things.
So we have become so accustomed to the world of convenience that we often forget that some things have no shortcut process that will produce the same results as going through the process. Just like icing or grilling meat low and slow over charcoal, there are some things in life that have to happen a certain way for the most rewarding outcome. And as I was thinking about the events of my life in recent days, I began to reminisce on the book by Zora Neale Hurston, "Their Eyes Were Watching God" which is about a main character who is living her life, but surrounded by spectators who all have an opinion about her life, as if they understand her journey more so than she. The character navigates her life, its ups and downs working through the challenges as they come to her reality, as she is finding her way.
In this same way, each of us has our journey through life to navigate and it is very much an individual process that happens while simultaneously being surround by community. When someone has a call to ministry on their life, it can be assumed that God has a plan for that person's life. No matter how much anyone has an opinion about what that looks like, it is God who is taking care of the details. To grow to the point of being able to flourish in one's gifts and live out one's calling, there are some parts of the journey that are growing one's skills for ministry. This means that it will not always flow with the ease of water going down hill. There will be times when one will have to face some things head on and take the challenge to grow, if one is really surrendered to the point of allowing God to be in control of what is ultimately God's Will for one's life in ministry.
From point A to point B, is not always clear, there will be times when one will have to whole-heartedly trust God for the details to work out as planned by God, not by our idea of how things should go. I have been asking God to show me how to get to point B without the discomfort of the middle part of the process. The discomfort is part of the journey, it is what make the reward worth the effort. Just like a track runner who wants to be the fasted, it cant happen sitting in the stands, but it happens by learning everything necessary to sharpen one's natural ability and from running until time gets better.
The challenges we face in life are not always ideal, nor comfortable to go through, but when you want the outcome badly enough, you decide to face the challenge head on and take the bad with the good, because it will be worth it all in the end. Today, I decided that I am up for challenge of facing the discomfort that will only have to be endure for a short time to get what I ultimately want to see manifested in my life. The discomfort cant be avoided, it is part of the path that leads me right to where God is taking me.
Psalms 23:4 - "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."
It is not actual death, it is just a shadow and shadows only produce fear when you dont know what it is a shadow of or from what source. Since I know that it has been my own fear, I can ignore the shadow. I will continue on toward what God has for me. I want God's best for my life because it will be worth the challenges along to way and shadows let me know that God's Light is what is real.
May 22, 2017
Spirituality and Sexuality - Part 1
For some days now I have been thinking about writing on the topic of love, but instead I am going to try to tackle a much more intense topic that is rarely discussed from a Christian spiritual frame of thinking. It will probably take more than one post to really begin to unpack this topic, because there are a lot of variables that can play out, both naturally and spiritually.
Sex is not often talked about by Christians as a positive. Most of the time when it is discussed in church, it is from the list of dont do. So even when Christians get married, they enter into marriage not knowing much about how sacred the sexual act of intercourse really is for both of them.
There needs to be more clarity given to the difference in the sacred act of intercourse in marriage and the physical sport of casual sexual behavior that is so common in our culture today. The bible is constantly talking about the flesh in the New Testament. This is for a very good reason.
You need your senses to be aware of the natural world around you as well as to be aware of the spiritual world around you. If you allow your senses to control you, then you will become desensitized to what is going on around you, both naturally and spiritually. You have to be the controller of your flesh, you can not allow your flesh to control you.
In the context of a monogamous marriage, the senses are strengthened and not depleted. This is because the man and the woman are sharing a sacred sexual experience. They are becoming unified and this level of unity manifest in every aspect of their lives as individuals and as a couple. This is why you will hear married people begin to use the same vocabulary and phrases, and even begin to communicate much more non verbally, as they become in tune with each other.
Pastors can look at the couples in their congregation and see which couples are truly unified and which couples are trying to pretend to be unified. When a couple is not equally yoked it is obvious, it shows in many ways, but most importantly it shows in what they are able to accomplish in their walk with Christ, and in their individual callings.
Sexual intercourse is not only the sharing of the physical body, but it is also the sharing of that person's spiritual self. So the person who has multiple sexual partners is becoming sexually schizophrenic. When you share your essence with someone, you are basically giving and receiving. You are giving away some of who you are spiritually and receiving some of who that person is spiritually. So when you are sexual with a person who does not view their own body as sacred and spiritually connected to God, then you are devaluing your own body and spirit.
In church, the message is to avoid being 'unequally yoked', or a more modern way to say it to say dont be tied to someone who is not a spiritual match. The yoke is an apparatus that is used to tie two working animals together so that the strength of them both can be used to increase the productivity by powering the load to be pulled by the strength of the unified effort. If one is too much stronger than the other, the stronger one will tire too quickly from taking too much of the labor load, and will eventually be dragging not only the weight of the load, but of the other animal too. This will not only make the progress take longer, but will eventually bring the work to a complete stop, much sooner than if the two animals are more equal in strength.
Take that and apply it to a marriage, and you can have two people who are on the same path and level of awareness spiritually and they can accomplish much more, and much faster than they could as individuals working solo. But if one of the people in the marriage is spending all of their prayer life and the spiritual awareness trying to drag someone along the path to spiritual growth, they risk becoming tired and unable to accomplish very much for the Kingdom because their spouse is lagging behind and as a team, they cant go any faster or any farther than the weaker, slower person is able or willing.
In seminary, one of the counseling classes that I had to take was Spirituality and Sexuality. This class was a lot of information about the functions of the body and how to minister to people who were dealing with various sexual issues and concerns. But when the instructors started talking about how you must understand that you are who you share your body with because you are sharing spiritually because sex is a spiritual act, I realized that in my upbringing this had not been discussed, but on some level it made total sense.
This is why those who are the most depleted as individuals are those who have given themselves away freely, and who are also the most empty spiritually and emotionally. The constant search for what can only be found in God is what the they are actually trying to find in another empty person. And two empty people can only share their emptiness. And the more empty the individual feels, the more they seek after someone to make them feel better, to feel full. It becomes a sad and dangerous cycle.
For a person to value your body, they must value their own. The person must see their sexuality as a sacred expression, not to be shared with just anyone and not to be shared with someone who is not on the same spiritual path. If a person shares their body with some who is spiritually schizophrenic, then the individual is welcoming all of those spirits that the other person has into their being as well. When this happens, all the spirits become familiar. When the spirits all become familiar, then the senses dont become alarmed and are no longer alert to the danger. As a matter of fact, because the spirits seem familiar, they will also seem to be safe. In other words, the spiritual attack is not an aggressive or violent one, but a gentle sensual one.
The bible lets us know that the marriage bed is undefiled, because the expectation is of respect for the body as sacred, and respect for the sexual experience of the marriage to be free from the residue of other people's spiritual residue. Therefore sacred sexuality is in the context of a monogamous marriage between spiritual equals. Even if they are not equals, they become equally what each person brings into the covenant bond. In this way , the marriage changes both the man and the woman into the version of self that is enmeshed with what they share with their spouse.
Sex is not often talked about by Christians as a positive. Most of the time when it is discussed in church, it is from the list of dont do. So even when Christians get married, they enter into marriage not knowing much about how sacred the sexual act of intercourse really is for both of them.
There needs to be more clarity given to the difference in the sacred act of intercourse in marriage and the physical sport of casual sexual behavior that is so common in our culture today. The bible is constantly talking about the flesh in the New Testament. This is for a very good reason.
You need your senses to be aware of the natural world around you as well as to be aware of the spiritual world around you. If you allow your senses to control you, then you will become desensitized to what is going on around you, both naturally and spiritually. You have to be the controller of your flesh, you can not allow your flesh to control you.
In the context of a monogamous marriage, the senses are strengthened and not depleted. This is because the man and the woman are sharing a sacred sexual experience. They are becoming unified and this level of unity manifest in every aspect of their lives as individuals and as a couple. This is why you will hear married people begin to use the same vocabulary and phrases, and even begin to communicate much more non verbally, as they become in tune with each other.
Pastors can look at the couples in their congregation and see which couples are truly unified and which couples are trying to pretend to be unified. When a couple is not equally yoked it is obvious, it shows in many ways, but most importantly it shows in what they are able to accomplish in their walk with Christ, and in their individual callings.
Sexual intercourse is not only the sharing of the physical body, but it is also the sharing of that person's spiritual self. So the person who has multiple sexual partners is becoming sexually schizophrenic. When you share your essence with someone, you are basically giving and receiving. You are giving away some of who you are spiritually and receiving some of who that person is spiritually. So when you are sexual with a person who does not view their own body as sacred and spiritually connected to God, then you are devaluing your own body and spirit.
In church, the message is to avoid being 'unequally yoked', or a more modern way to say it to say dont be tied to someone who is not a spiritual match. The yoke is an apparatus that is used to tie two working animals together so that the strength of them both can be used to increase the productivity by powering the load to be pulled by the strength of the unified effort. If one is too much stronger than the other, the stronger one will tire too quickly from taking too much of the labor load, and will eventually be dragging not only the weight of the load, but of the other animal too. This will not only make the progress take longer, but will eventually bring the work to a complete stop, much sooner than if the two animals are more equal in strength.
Take that and apply it to a marriage, and you can have two people who are on the same path and level of awareness spiritually and they can accomplish much more, and much faster than they could as individuals working solo. But if one of the people in the marriage is spending all of their prayer life and the spiritual awareness trying to drag someone along the path to spiritual growth, they risk becoming tired and unable to accomplish very much for the Kingdom because their spouse is lagging behind and as a team, they cant go any faster or any farther than the weaker, slower person is able or willing.
In seminary, one of the counseling classes that I had to take was Spirituality and Sexuality. This class was a lot of information about the functions of the body and how to minister to people who were dealing with various sexual issues and concerns. But when the instructors started talking about how you must understand that you are who you share your body with because you are sharing spiritually because sex is a spiritual act, I realized that in my upbringing this had not been discussed, but on some level it made total sense.
This is why those who are the most depleted as individuals are those who have given themselves away freely, and who are also the most empty spiritually and emotionally. The constant search for what can only be found in God is what the they are actually trying to find in another empty person. And two empty people can only share their emptiness. And the more empty the individual feels, the more they seek after someone to make them feel better, to feel full. It becomes a sad and dangerous cycle.
For a person to value your body, they must value their own. The person must see their sexuality as a sacred expression, not to be shared with just anyone and not to be shared with someone who is not on the same spiritual path. If a person shares their body with some who is spiritually schizophrenic, then the individual is welcoming all of those spirits that the other person has into their being as well. When this happens, all the spirits become familiar. When the spirits all become familiar, then the senses dont become alarmed and are no longer alert to the danger. As a matter of fact, because the spirits seem familiar, they will also seem to be safe. In other words, the spiritual attack is not an aggressive or violent one, but a gentle sensual one.
The bible lets us know that the marriage bed is undefiled, because the expectation is of respect for the body as sacred, and respect for the sexual experience of the marriage to be free from the residue of other people's spiritual residue. Therefore sacred sexuality is in the context of a monogamous marriage between spiritual equals. Even if they are not equals, they become equally what each person brings into the covenant bond. In this way , the marriage changes both the man and the woman into the version of self that is enmeshed with what they share with their spouse.
April 19, 2017
I Haven't Ask God For Enough
This evening I had a conversation with a friend who is a single parent like myself, and we were talking about the challenges of even meeting a potential companion. We are both single parents and our lives are built around the activities of church and our children. We attend a large church, that is probably about 85% or more married couples, and most of the singles are females.
In our conversation we both agreed we didnt have any brilliant ideas about where to add meeting new people to our lives. I mentioned some of the possible activities that we might explore to meet new people in general, activities that would be co-ed and not just full of more single women. We tossed around a few thoughts, but didnt come up with anything that would be an Aha! moment. So we left the conversation with continue on as usual as the stopping point of our discussion.
I went home thinking about all that I needed to do to settle in for the evening and to get ready for tomorrow. As I reflected on our conversation, in my mind, I went through what was wrong with the last person that I attempted to consider allowing into my life. I thought about all of the disappointment and the betrayal that was the package that this person brought with him. I had tossed and tossed in my mind about what was the problem, because after all he was saved. So a saved man would be trustworthy and dependable and full of integrity - or so I thought.
This is when it dawned on me. This was when I had the AHA! moment. I had been making an amateur's mistake in my prayer for a life companion. When I went down through all of the thoughts in my mind about what I didnt want to have to deal with at this phase in my life, it occurred to me that I was making the assumption that someone considering himself a Christian, meant that he was the whole package. I was absolutely wrong! This actually only meant that he had completed step one, in a life long, three step process.
What I was not asking for in my prayers was someone who was more than saved. No, I am not taking about his material gain, or his education level, or even what was in his past. But what I was missing was something extremely essential to his present state of being in his walk with Jesus Christ = Sanctification and being filled with the Holy Ghost. I have been around the church world of Pentecostals most of my life and these three works of Grace are considered essential for maintenance of a Christian Life of Holiness. I had forgotten, that everyone who considers to be Christian is not trying to become more like Christ. Some people are willing to take the just enough approach to having a relationship with Jesus Christ. I dont want someone in my life who is taking the minimalist approach to Christ.
It takes wanting to go to another level in relationship with Christ, to live Godly and walk away from the sinful nature, giving up the things in life that are contrary to a life of holiness. I am not claiming to be perfect, so I dont expect my future companion to be perfect, that would be unrealistic and self deception. But do want someone who is working on being a better man, and who in his heart, truly wants to live a life that is pleasing to God. For that to happen, he will have to want more of God, more of God's Holy Spirit. The person has to have a hunger for the things of God. The person has to realize that everything else that he has tried has not cured the uneasiness in their being. It is when the person has come to the conclusion that there has to be a better way, and be willing to give up everything that hasnt worked, for what God has to offer. He will have to have already come to the conclusion that what he is thirsty for can not be found in a sinful lifestyle, but only in the 'wells of salvation' where there is joy and peace beyond compare to anything that sin has to offer. He has to have a thirst for what is right. He has to want to be right with God. This is the place of no longer wanting to struggle to maintain a life of sin, a life that goes against God plan for LIFE.
All of the things that I dont want to deal with in a relationship, and especially in a future companion wont be a problem with a man who wanting to go in the same direction that I am going, and who has no interest in going backwards spiritually. So I now realize that I have been very minimal in my prayer. I don't just want someone in my life who is saved. I want a man in my life who is SAVED, SANCTIFIED, and FILLED with the HOLY GHOST. I want the whole package. I want God's best for my life.
In our conversation we both agreed we didnt have any brilliant ideas about where to add meeting new people to our lives. I mentioned some of the possible activities that we might explore to meet new people in general, activities that would be co-ed and not just full of more single women. We tossed around a few thoughts, but didnt come up with anything that would be an Aha! moment. So we left the conversation with continue on as usual as the stopping point of our discussion.
I went home thinking about all that I needed to do to settle in for the evening and to get ready for tomorrow. As I reflected on our conversation, in my mind, I went through what was wrong with the last person that I attempted to consider allowing into my life. I thought about all of the disappointment and the betrayal that was the package that this person brought with him. I had tossed and tossed in my mind about what was the problem, because after all he was saved. So a saved man would be trustworthy and dependable and full of integrity - or so I thought.
This is when it dawned on me. This was when I had the AHA! moment. I had been making an amateur's mistake in my prayer for a life companion. When I went down through all of the thoughts in my mind about what I didnt want to have to deal with at this phase in my life, it occurred to me that I was making the assumption that someone considering himself a Christian, meant that he was the whole package. I was absolutely wrong! This actually only meant that he had completed step one, in a life long, three step process.
What I was not asking for in my prayers was someone who was more than saved. No, I am not taking about his material gain, or his education level, or even what was in his past. But what I was missing was something extremely essential to his present state of being in his walk with Jesus Christ = Sanctification and being filled with the Holy Ghost. I have been around the church world of Pentecostals most of my life and these three works of Grace are considered essential for maintenance of a Christian Life of Holiness. I had forgotten, that everyone who considers to be Christian is not trying to become more like Christ. Some people are willing to take the just enough approach to having a relationship with Jesus Christ. I dont want someone in my life who is taking the minimalist approach to Christ.
It takes wanting to go to another level in relationship with Christ, to live Godly and walk away from the sinful nature, giving up the things in life that are contrary to a life of holiness. I am not claiming to be perfect, so I dont expect my future companion to be perfect, that would be unrealistic and self deception. But do want someone who is working on being a better man, and who in his heart, truly wants to live a life that is pleasing to God. For that to happen, he will have to want more of God, more of God's Holy Spirit. The person has to have a hunger for the things of God. The person has to realize that everything else that he has tried has not cured the uneasiness in their being. It is when the person has come to the conclusion that there has to be a better way, and be willing to give up everything that hasnt worked, for what God has to offer. He will have to have already come to the conclusion that what he is thirsty for can not be found in a sinful lifestyle, but only in the 'wells of salvation' where there is joy and peace beyond compare to anything that sin has to offer. He has to have a thirst for what is right. He has to want to be right with God. This is the place of no longer wanting to struggle to maintain a life of sin, a life that goes against God plan for LIFE.
All of the things that I dont want to deal with in a relationship, and especially in a future companion wont be a problem with a man who wanting to go in the same direction that I am going, and who has no interest in going backwards spiritually. So I now realize that I have been very minimal in my prayer. I don't just want someone in my life who is saved. I want a man in my life who is SAVED, SANCTIFIED, and FILLED with the HOLY GHOST. I want the whole package. I want God's best for my life.
August 22, 2016
SHAME
A few days ago, I was thinking about how is it that some people can come before God with a sense of entitlement and arrogance ... and other people can come before God with humility and appreciation? In my thought process, I began to think about my grandmother. When we were children and would do something obviously with the wrong intentions, she would say, "have you no shame?"
That was the cue to do some self reflection, and correct the behavior... Not just at that moment, but from that moment forward.
When we look at so many of the events that are taking place with those closest to us, and as far reaching as the national platforms - the question is still a valid one to ask. Police have no shame in killing both the incident and the guilty without due process of the legal system, males procreating but not fathering their children, people walking around all day -out in public- in pajamas or with their underwear on display, broadcasting intimate life details on social media..... And on and on and on.
There is a lack of connection to what is right and good. Our society has become accustomed to anything and everything. The standards are so relaxed now, that even the most basic requirements seem like too much to ask. Everyone believes that they are a good person, because behavior should not be the measure of one's character. It is as if good and evil are now void of meaning. That is how the decline of morality has seeped in to the norm of our culture. The inability to acknowledge anything, is in essence a way to affirm everything. It doesn't work that way.
Acknowledging one's own sinful nature is even more challenging under these terms. Because under these terms, there really is no sin, just misinterpretation. So it is much easier to redefine everything constantly and conveniently than to call things wrong or right according to biblical standards. It is much easier to point out the flaws in the character of others than it is to be introspective and to acknowledge one's own flaws. It is larger than claiming or owning an act or event of sin, but the humiliation of knowing the lack of one's own moral accountability. Example: A married Christian protesting gay marriage, but being unfaithful in one's own heterosexual marriage. {My grandmother would say, "two wrongs don't make a right.} It is a hurtful feeling to humiliate yourself to yourself. This is when you know that you are wrong, even if no one else knows or identifies it.
Have you no shame? = Are you not able to hold yourself accountable for what you know is right?
The kind of shame that leads a sinner to repentance is the ability to stand in awe of God's completeness of being (Wholeness/Holiness), and comparing one's inferior state of being (sinful nature). I use the word 'ability' because the sinful nature brings with it arrogance and a sense of self righteousness, which has to be shattered before one can realize the need to change. It is hard to be humiliated, especially internally. Shame is not about being humiliated by the awareness that others see your wrong, but it is the internal dialogue that happens within self. When the error of your ways become so overpowering that change is absolutely necessary, this is when one is ready to surrender to God. Conviction is being convinced that wrong was done. Repentance is the determination to change from a nature of wrong-being, intentionally going in the right direction - in mindset, intention and deed.
When a person has no shame: wanting the results of what is right, but lacking the desire to be or do right. It is wanting the reward without the effort. This leads to behaviors that lack integrity. The lack of integrity is also a lack of shame.
Sanctification is the intentional effort to live a life separated from sin, it is biblically based integrity. It does not imply perfection, but intention. The greater the intention, the more probable the success of the effort. It is an effort that becomes a lifestyle. The more it is practiced, it becomes the norm. Each day, each individual has to make a conscious effort to make sin the norm or to make sanctification the norm. Each day, the effort will become easier to maintain the course, and this is why it is important to remain intentional.
The nature of humanity is such that in most, if not all cases, the change of behavior will not come until one's desire to be right has become solidified. Forced change can take place due to social norms or even penal systems, but a change of heart has to happen from within, before the individual is really capable of true repentance. For example, a child can hit another child for no reason and an adult require a verbal apology to be given. The child can learn when it is appropriate to say the words, but never have any intention to stop hitting the other child. But once the child determines that he or she does not want to hit others for no reason, the behavior will shift, not only to avoid hitting others intentionally, but also making the effort to not hit other unintentionally. That is the formation of character.
So when we have expectations of God, but no desire to change - "Have we no shame?"
July 5, 2016
DISOBEDIENCE
A few weeks ago, I was praying about some very specific things. This was intercession for several people and situations and also specifically for someone whose life is obviously facing several challenges. It is one of those times when you cant help but to be empathetic when you see someone hurting, but what became clear the more I prayed about it was that this person was dealing with their own disobedience.
We have all been there. Anyone who claims perfection makes me skeptical to put it kindly. I know that I have at many times walked in my own stubborn way concerning some situations in my own life. But as my faith has increased, I have learned that it is much better to just learn to practice patience than to have to figure out how to correct unnecessary mistakes. In the end, I have learned to just remind myself that I trust God.
So I sat with the concept for a few days, trying to decide if I was supposed to say something to the person or to just continue to pray. Galatians 5:18 kept coming to my mind. I kept reading the whole chapter and trying to figure out how to have a conversation about what was going on in the natural versus what was going on in the spiritual. Way to often do we respond to spiritual things in the natural. Using one's cognitive abilities must come by wisdom to know the difference. I would like to spend some time talking about discernment, but I think that will happen another time. But for now, I will just say that we have to learn to follow our discernment, it is God showing us what we are responding to and how to best respond.
The conclusion that came to was that this person already knows that they are being disobedient, because it is written into the fact of being disobedient. A person has to be given instruction and be intentional about doing something else for it to classify as disobedience. It is the complete opposite of to obey. There is a complete difference in doing something wrong and not knowing that it was wrong, or not knowing what should be done. But once you have been told what to do and act with intention and purposefully calculate how to do otherwise, that is clearly disobedience.
Being analytical, I began to think about the reasons that a Christian would be disobedient to God. At the top of the list was fear. Doubting God's provision is what causes the fear. When a person becomes fearful of their needs not being met, they respond with their survival instincts and not their faith. Many times, this survival instinct is why we respond based on the facts in the natural instead of the spiritual. The bible is full of warnings about the flesh because the body is a strong guide, if we don't remain intentional about keeping our intentions on doing things according to God's design. Instinct and flesh encourages one to do things in a way that will produce a right now solution, even if it doesn't guarantee longevity or vitality to one's life. The deception is in thinking that we can do more for ourselves than God can do for us. In actuality, God wants to give us much more than we can image possible. It is the limitations of our human minds that cant see all that God wants to give us. So instead of reaching for what we cant even imagine from the hand of God, we go after what we can see and get for ourselves.
Wanting a solution right now, and an easy solution is basically attempting to outsmart God. This never turns out to be the easiest way to go about things, but the flaws of humanity seem to make this appealing. It takes a few bumps in the road of life to see that God's way is going to be the best way to face any situation in life. Because it is much better to face challenges with God on our side, than to know that we have been in opposition to the very thing that God has instructed us to focus on in life.
For the Christian who is attempting to remain in their disobedience, this is when they want prayer and encouragement from other Christians, all at the same time, knowing that in their heart they have not decided to change directions or the intent of their actions. But instead want other to ask God on their behalf that God bless their disobedience. It doesn't work like that!
And most amazingly, it is usually the very people that warned the person in the beginning not to be disobedient, that they return to asking to pray for them in the midst of what they are dealing with, as if they have forgotten what they were already told. They had received plenty of warning, because God is not going to see a person going the wrong way without giving one some guidance in how to do things differently and get yourself out of the situation before it draws you in. God is direct and not going to leave you with unsolvable riddles about the plans God has for your life.
Stubborn is the best way to describe the response to the warnings that came long before the trouble. The thing is that trouble never actually seems to be a problem in the beginning. If it wasn't appealing then it would not be a temptation. The need to rationalize why the temptation is not that bad is just a way to justify doing what one wants to do. Of course in the beginning the situation seemed manageable, and of course listening to those who love you enough to warn you was not the option taken, but instead mashing the gas and moving full speed ahead to prove that it could be done your way. But in the midst of doing it your way, is where you find compassion from those who loved you enough to tell you the truth and warn you in the beginning. They cant stop the situation, but they can pray and stand on God's Word. We, Christians, want to see our wounded healed and made whole by the Power of God.
Christians who are true to their faith will always speak in terms of God's instructions. The Word of God applies to the Christian and to the sinner, to ALL. To the world this seems to lack love, but in truth it is the most loving thing that can be done. I will admit that there are those who seem to be so harsh in their expression that others don't see the love, but most Christians are not telling you about God's instructions without knowing that they work because of their own challenges in life where God has proven to be the best solution to any problem or circumstance. Every Christian knows what it is like to repent, to have to ask God for forgiveness and to begin the journey back to where God's instruction and provision are for one's life.
I can't help but think about my own childhood. When I was young we took regular vacations to the beach. Back then, swimming in the ocean did not include a lot of concern for shark attacks and we would swim out into the water much farther than we could stand up. As a matter of fact, I can remember plenty of times swimming out so far that I would have to wait for the waves to see how far I actually was from the shore. When I realized that I was too far from shore, I would begin to swim back towards safety. I would swim out so far, because my Daddy and my uncles were also in the water, and I knew that they would come help me if I got in trouble. But they also let me swim out so far, because they knew that I was a strong swimmer. My ability allowed me to do what many of my other relatives could not do, go out into deeper waters. But even then I had to know when it was time to turn around and return to safety.
For the person who is being disobedient to God, they are out in the deep on their own. Once so far out into the deep and away from safety, the decision has to be made whether to continue going further away from safety, or whether to turn around and begin to return as fast as possible back to where there is help and support to getting back in the Will of God.
Run towards obedience.
We have all been there. Anyone who claims perfection makes me skeptical to put it kindly. I know that I have at many times walked in my own stubborn way concerning some situations in my own life. But as my faith has increased, I have learned that it is much better to just learn to practice patience than to have to figure out how to correct unnecessary mistakes. In the end, I have learned to just remind myself that I trust God.
So I sat with the concept for a few days, trying to decide if I was supposed to say something to the person or to just continue to pray. Galatians 5:18 kept coming to my mind. I kept reading the whole chapter and trying to figure out how to have a conversation about what was going on in the natural versus what was going on in the spiritual. Way to often do we respond to spiritual things in the natural. Using one's cognitive abilities must come by wisdom to know the difference. I would like to spend some time talking about discernment, but I think that will happen another time. But for now, I will just say that we have to learn to follow our discernment, it is God showing us what we are responding to and how to best respond.
The conclusion that came to was that this person already knows that they are being disobedient, because it is written into the fact of being disobedient. A person has to be given instruction and be intentional about doing something else for it to classify as disobedience. It is the complete opposite of to obey. There is a complete difference in doing something wrong and not knowing that it was wrong, or not knowing what should be done. But once you have been told what to do and act with intention and purposefully calculate how to do otherwise, that is clearly disobedience.
Being analytical, I began to think about the reasons that a Christian would be disobedient to God. At the top of the list was fear. Doubting God's provision is what causes the fear. When a person becomes fearful of their needs not being met, they respond with their survival instincts and not their faith. Many times, this survival instinct is why we respond based on the facts in the natural instead of the spiritual. The bible is full of warnings about the flesh because the body is a strong guide, if we don't remain intentional about keeping our intentions on doing things according to God's design. Instinct and flesh encourages one to do things in a way that will produce a right now solution, even if it doesn't guarantee longevity or vitality to one's life. The deception is in thinking that we can do more for ourselves than God can do for us. In actuality, God wants to give us much more than we can image possible. It is the limitations of our human minds that cant see all that God wants to give us. So instead of reaching for what we cant even imagine from the hand of God, we go after what we can see and get for ourselves.
Wanting a solution right now, and an easy solution is basically attempting to outsmart God. This never turns out to be the easiest way to go about things, but the flaws of humanity seem to make this appealing. It takes a few bumps in the road of life to see that God's way is going to be the best way to face any situation in life. Because it is much better to face challenges with God on our side, than to know that we have been in opposition to the very thing that God has instructed us to focus on in life.
For the Christian who is attempting to remain in their disobedience, this is when they want prayer and encouragement from other Christians, all at the same time, knowing that in their heart they have not decided to change directions or the intent of their actions. But instead want other to ask God on their behalf that God bless their disobedience. It doesn't work like that!
And most amazingly, it is usually the very people that warned the person in the beginning not to be disobedient, that they return to asking to pray for them in the midst of what they are dealing with, as if they have forgotten what they were already told. They had received plenty of warning, because God is not going to see a person going the wrong way without giving one some guidance in how to do things differently and get yourself out of the situation before it draws you in. God is direct and not going to leave you with unsolvable riddles about the plans God has for your life.
Stubborn is the best way to describe the response to the warnings that came long before the trouble. The thing is that trouble never actually seems to be a problem in the beginning. If it wasn't appealing then it would not be a temptation. The need to rationalize why the temptation is not that bad is just a way to justify doing what one wants to do. Of course in the beginning the situation seemed manageable, and of course listening to those who love you enough to warn you was not the option taken, but instead mashing the gas and moving full speed ahead to prove that it could be done your way. But in the midst of doing it your way, is where you find compassion from those who loved you enough to tell you the truth and warn you in the beginning. They cant stop the situation, but they can pray and stand on God's Word. We, Christians, want to see our wounded healed and made whole by the Power of God.
Christians who are true to their faith will always speak in terms of God's instructions. The Word of God applies to the Christian and to the sinner, to ALL. To the world this seems to lack love, but in truth it is the most loving thing that can be done. I will admit that there are those who seem to be so harsh in their expression that others don't see the love, but most Christians are not telling you about God's instructions without knowing that they work because of their own challenges in life where God has proven to be the best solution to any problem or circumstance. Every Christian knows what it is like to repent, to have to ask God for forgiveness and to begin the journey back to where God's instruction and provision are for one's life.
I can't help but think about my own childhood. When I was young we took regular vacations to the beach. Back then, swimming in the ocean did not include a lot of concern for shark attacks and we would swim out into the water much farther than we could stand up. As a matter of fact, I can remember plenty of times swimming out so far that I would have to wait for the waves to see how far I actually was from the shore. When I realized that I was too far from shore, I would begin to swim back towards safety. I would swim out so far, because my Daddy and my uncles were also in the water, and I knew that they would come help me if I got in trouble. But they also let me swim out so far, because they knew that I was a strong swimmer. My ability allowed me to do what many of my other relatives could not do, go out into deeper waters. But even then I had to know when it was time to turn around and return to safety.
For the person who is being disobedient to God, they are out in the deep on their own. Once so far out into the deep and away from safety, the decision has to be made whether to continue going further away from safety, or whether to turn around and begin to return as fast as possible back to where there is help and support to getting back in the Will of God.
Run towards obedience.
October 6, 2011
Why Be A Christian?
What really separates Christians from the rest of the world? This is the question I have been asking myself lately. Not because I dont already have my own ideas about the subject, but because I am curious to know what the mental status is of the masses.
For me, being a Christian, has everything to do with understanding and replicating, in my own life the ideology, theology, and compassion of Christ. After all, Christ was concerned with those in the community. People were drawn to Jesus Christ because he had something to say, but also because his actions had a huge and wonderful impact on those around him. If we are to call ourselves Christians, followers of the life and teachings of Christ, then it should stand to reason that our lives should show some effectiveness in impacting the lives of others in a positive way.
Docile should not ever be the mode of operation for a Christian, who is attempting to live a life motivated by sharing the Good News of Jesus Christ. This does not mean that Christians should be constant warriors, nor does it mean that Christians should be absolutely passive. But what it does mean that we should navigate the impact that our life has on those around us in such a way that we reflect what it is that we say we believe.
Lately I have found myself amazed at how many people who are good church attending Christians, but have no sensibility towards anything outside of their church and home. How can you effectively share the love of Christ when your only concern is for people who are already stepping inside the doors of the church? Dont get me wrong, there are definitely some people attending church who are not necessarily followers of the teachings of Christ. So yes, there are lives to be impacted from inside the church, but there are masses of people who are walking this earth hurting, lonely and feeling disconnected from God, who could use some insight into how the Good News includes them.
Church as a community of believers is important to strengthening each other, both naturally and spiritually, as we all attempt to navigate this life, but we are also held accountable to the need for those who are not connected by a relationship with Jesus Christ. But in so many ways, church has become just the alternative to the club, where people show up for the ambiance, the music, networking, or just to be seen. Attending church should not have the same agenda as going out to the club. And wearing more conservative clothes does not mean the the agenda of your heart is right.
Church attendance should not be about proving to anyone that you are just as much of a Christian because you are always there. Church attendance should be about a desire to learn more about God through the fellowship and study of the Word of God in the presence of like-minded followers of the teachings of Jesus Christ. Hearing the preached Word is important because it should draw you in to realizing that God is waiting to receive you into a relationship with all that the Kingdom of God has to offer you both in this life, and in the afterlife.
As Christians, our own relationship with Christ, has limited growth potential until we become active agents of Christ' love and concern for others, and not just the people that we like or the people that we think are worthy. If receiving the love of Christ was based on who was worthy, then none of us would be eligible. In fact, it is realizing how unworthy we are that leaves us in awe of God's willingness to love and provide for us.
Anyone who thinks being loved is based on meeting a certain set of criteria, has missed the entire point of receiving love. None of us have received loved because we were deserving of it, we received love because of the heart of the giver of that love and the desire to share it. It is a matter of desire that compels us to want to share the love of Christ with others. Once we truly understand the depth of God's love for us, we cant help but want to share this great love with others.
I am thankful to God that Love was not given to me based on what I deserved, but based on what I needed, even when I didnt know that it was love that I needed. God has blessed each of us with the opportunity to show the Love of Jesus Christ. It is time to stop holding on to what was meant to be shared --- for it is in the spirit of sharing this Love that we find deeper understanding of our own relationship to the Ultimate Giver - God.
For me, being a Christian, has everything to do with understanding and replicating, in my own life the ideology, theology, and compassion of Christ. After all, Christ was concerned with those in the community. People were drawn to Jesus Christ because he had something to say, but also because his actions had a huge and wonderful impact on those around him. If we are to call ourselves Christians, followers of the life and teachings of Christ, then it should stand to reason that our lives should show some effectiveness in impacting the lives of others in a positive way.
Docile should not ever be the mode of operation for a Christian, who is attempting to live a life motivated by sharing the Good News of Jesus Christ. This does not mean that Christians should be constant warriors, nor does it mean that Christians should be absolutely passive. But what it does mean that we should navigate the impact that our life has on those around us in such a way that we reflect what it is that we say we believe.
Lately I have found myself amazed at how many people who are good church attending Christians, but have no sensibility towards anything outside of their church and home. How can you effectively share the love of Christ when your only concern is for people who are already stepping inside the doors of the church? Dont get me wrong, there are definitely some people attending church who are not necessarily followers of the teachings of Christ. So yes, there are lives to be impacted from inside the church, but there are masses of people who are walking this earth hurting, lonely and feeling disconnected from God, who could use some insight into how the Good News includes them.
Church as a community of believers is important to strengthening each other, both naturally and spiritually, as we all attempt to navigate this life, but we are also held accountable to the need for those who are not connected by a relationship with Jesus Christ. But in so many ways, church has become just the alternative to the club, where people show up for the ambiance, the music, networking, or just to be seen. Attending church should not have the same agenda as going out to the club. And wearing more conservative clothes does not mean the the agenda of your heart is right.
Church attendance should not be about proving to anyone that you are just as much of a Christian because you are always there. Church attendance should be about a desire to learn more about God through the fellowship and study of the Word of God in the presence of like-minded followers of the teachings of Jesus Christ. Hearing the preached Word is important because it should draw you in to realizing that God is waiting to receive you into a relationship with all that the Kingdom of God has to offer you both in this life, and in the afterlife.
As Christians, our own relationship with Christ, has limited growth potential until we become active agents of Christ' love and concern for others, and not just the people that we like or the people that we think are worthy. If receiving the love of Christ was based on who was worthy, then none of us would be eligible. In fact, it is realizing how unworthy we are that leaves us in awe of God's willingness to love and provide for us.
Anyone who thinks being loved is based on meeting a certain set of criteria, has missed the entire point of receiving love. None of us have received loved because we were deserving of it, we received love because of the heart of the giver of that love and the desire to share it. It is a matter of desire that compels us to want to share the love of Christ with others. Once we truly understand the depth of God's love for us, we cant help but want to share this great love with others.
I am thankful to God that Love was not given to me based on what I deserved, but based on what I needed, even when I didnt know that it was love that I needed. God has blessed each of us with the opportunity to show the Love of Jesus Christ. It is time to stop holding on to what was meant to be shared --- for it is in the spirit of sharing this Love that we find deeper understanding of our own relationship to the Ultimate Giver - God.
September 3, 2011
Humanization: Part 1 ( Inter-racial Relationships)
About a decade ago, when I was in seminary, a dear professor stated to the class that the best understanding of inter-racial relationships could be found in the Disney movie, "Beauty and the Beast". As I listened, I understood what he was saying, but now, a decade later, I get it. I now realize that I wasn't fully able to grasp the concept. I saw it no deeper than the socialization aspect. But now I get the impressions of the psyche that are manifested in the concept that was being presented.
What caused my further understanding has been a reflective re-reading of "Pedagogy of the Oppressed" by Paulo Freire. Amazingly this book dissects some basic experiences in terms of their affect on the psychological thought process of a person. So by taking the concepts presented in this book and framing my understanding of why inter-racial relationships are important for so many in this day and age. I get it.
As a 'free spirit' who does not look kindly on attempts to further oppress me, I now understand all the more the reasons why I have never been that interested in inter-racial dating as a choice for myself. I guess I could slightly correct that statement, depending on what you consider inter-racial, since I have dated persons other than African American. Anyone who knows me personally will affirm that I am truly my own person. That is not to say that I have not had my own battles with being oppressed because I have, and on so many levels. But at this point in my life, I am enjoying the freedom to embrace who I am, both internally and externally. And in some ways, I realize that I am still working to define my own humanity in this world that sets limitations on individuals not only on the basis of race, but also based on gender.
Ok, so since my point here is not to write about myself, I must return to my topic. According to Freire, oppression is grounded in dehumanization. Seeing one's self as less than human is the ground work that must take place for all parties involved to agree to the situation of being oppressed. With that in mind, upon looking at the stereotypes that people of the African diaspora live with on a daily basis, it only makes sense that some would seek to be viewed on a higher level of humanity.
After all, most of the times when we leave a relationship behind, it is about the denial of one's own humanity. When you begin to realize that one is being treated in a dehumanizing way, that is when one begins to look for the exit door to the situation. I would further argue, that those who remain in dehumanizing situations do so because they are not able to fully embrace or affirm their own humanity. This is also the same reason that an individual who treats a person of a different race better than they would consider someone of their own race as deserving to be treated. Somewhere in their mind, they realize the need to elevate their own sense of humanity, but at the same time, they are still willing to deny another person the same need to be appreciated beyond the status of sub-human.
When I was younger, I would always hear people talk about the people, back then it was mostly men, who chose to date outside of their race, as attempting to 'to socially upgrade'. But at this point in my life, I would argue that it is an attempt to be viewed as one who has done more than evolved, but who has faced the challenges of the psyche to embrace one's own humanity. It is the refusal to be seen as anything less than human. It is the denial to accept the oppressive forces of being dehumanized. It is the internal self awareness to see one's self as deserving all that is humanly possible in life and love.
So, you might ask, is inter-racial dating necessary for all of that? No, but for some people, it is the manifestation of their internal awareness that they need to be view as fully human with all of the life and breath that comes from living as one who is free to exist instead of one who has to ask the world to pardon their being in the world. It is un-apologetic about the right to have the life and companionship of a fellow HUMAN-being regardless of the outer skin. It is so much more than just the meshing of cultural differences, it is about the embracing of all that it means to live and love and to do so regardless of race or ethnic background.
Those who oppose inter-racial relationships do so because they see one of the races involved as less deserving of what the other race has to offer. And they protest the infiltration into their own race for fear that it will dehumanize by association. It is the struggle to continue to oppression of others by way of feeling oppressed in one's own being.
Lastly, I would argue, that when one fully becomes aware of who they are attracted to and why, then it will never be a struggle to embrace one's own humanity, and therefore the individual can be free to love based on the connections of the human spirit and not just because of the outward skin.
Relationships are about embracing the humanity of each other with mutual respect and admiration. Relationships are about BEING human together and to each other. Love is about acceptance- as is- but with the growing potential to become better together. When your ambitions within the relationship fully manifest the humanity of the other person, then both individuals can find the freedom to love. And love definitely transcends race, creed or national origin.
What caused my further understanding has been a reflective re-reading of "Pedagogy of the Oppressed" by Paulo Freire. Amazingly this book dissects some basic experiences in terms of their affect on the psychological thought process of a person. So by taking the concepts presented in this book and framing my understanding of why inter-racial relationships are important for so many in this day and age. I get it.
As a 'free spirit' who does not look kindly on attempts to further oppress me, I now understand all the more the reasons why I have never been that interested in inter-racial dating as a choice for myself. I guess I could slightly correct that statement, depending on what you consider inter-racial, since I have dated persons other than African American. Anyone who knows me personally will affirm that I am truly my own person. That is not to say that I have not had my own battles with being oppressed because I have, and on so many levels. But at this point in my life, I am enjoying the freedom to embrace who I am, both internally and externally. And in some ways, I realize that I am still working to define my own humanity in this world that sets limitations on individuals not only on the basis of race, but also based on gender.
Ok, so since my point here is not to write about myself, I must return to my topic. According to Freire, oppression is grounded in dehumanization. Seeing one's self as less than human is the ground work that must take place for all parties involved to agree to the situation of being oppressed. With that in mind, upon looking at the stereotypes that people of the African diaspora live with on a daily basis, it only makes sense that some would seek to be viewed on a higher level of humanity.
After all, most of the times when we leave a relationship behind, it is about the denial of one's own humanity. When you begin to realize that one is being treated in a dehumanizing way, that is when one begins to look for the exit door to the situation. I would further argue, that those who remain in dehumanizing situations do so because they are not able to fully embrace or affirm their own humanity. This is also the same reason that an individual who treats a person of a different race better than they would consider someone of their own race as deserving to be treated. Somewhere in their mind, they realize the need to elevate their own sense of humanity, but at the same time, they are still willing to deny another person the same need to be appreciated beyond the status of sub-human.
When I was younger, I would always hear people talk about the people, back then it was mostly men, who chose to date outside of their race, as attempting to 'to socially upgrade'. But at this point in my life, I would argue that it is an attempt to be viewed as one who has done more than evolved, but who has faced the challenges of the psyche to embrace one's own humanity. It is the refusal to be seen as anything less than human. It is the denial to accept the oppressive forces of being dehumanized. It is the internal self awareness to see one's self as deserving all that is humanly possible in life and love.
So, you might ask, is inter-racial dating necessary for all of that? No, but for some people, it is the manifestation of their internal awareness that they need to be view as fully human with all of the life and breath that comes from living as one who is free to exist instead of one who has to ask the world to pardon their being in the world. It is un-apologetic about the right to have the life and companionship of a fellow HUMAN-being regardless of the outer skin. It is so much more than just the meshing of cultural differences, it is about the embracing of all that it means to live and love and to do so regardless of race or ethnic background.
Those who oppose inter-racial relationships do so because they see one of the races involved as less deserving of what the other race has to offer. And they protest the infiltration into their own race for fear that it will dehumanize by association. It is the struggle to continue to oppression of others by way of feeling oppressed in one's own being.
Lastly, I would argue, that when one fully becomes aware of who they are attracted to and why, then it will never be a struggle to embrace one's own humanity, and therefore the individual can be free to love based on the connections of the human spirit and not just because of the outward skin.
Relationships are about embracing the humanity of each other with mutual respect and admiration. Relationships are about BEING human together and to each other. Love is about acceptance- as is- but with the growing potential to become better together. When your ambitions within the relationship fully manifest the humanity of the other person, then both individuals can find the freedom to love. And love definitely transcends race, creed or national origin.
May 10, 2011
Behold The Bride-Groom Cometh!!!!
Have you ever been so familiar with something that you really didn’t look at it with close inspection? Have you ever had that moment when you saw something in a different light, and then wondered why you had never seen it that way before?
Well I had one of those moments today. I am sure that some of my readers will have the same level of excitement about this as I, and I am sure that some will not like it at all. But to all, I write with peace and grace.
My entire life, being raised in a Pentecostal–Holiness church, I heard about the hope of believers in the return of Jesus Christ for the Church. The Church is understood to be the Bride of Christ. Matthew 25:6 stirred up expectation in every believer.
At the same time, it was completely understood that leadership in ministry was for men only. There was no place for women in ordained leadership. Women were encouraged and even expected to work tirelessly for the ministry with their gifts and talents, but only in supporting role capacities.
There was no denying that women could handle most of the task that take place in the local church, doing everything from cooking meals to serving meals, to cleaning after the meals were finished, to preparing the programs, ushering and passing out the programs, and being on the program, to designing the choir robes to singing in the choir in the choir robes.
As a matter of fact, when the church observed the sacrament of communion, in the days long before the prepackaged communion portions, it was, and still is, the women who prepare the sacred table for the Lord’s Supper. As the service transitioned to the observance of the Holy Sacrament of Communion, it was a woman, a Mother of the Church, who read I Corinthians 11: 23-34. While she was reading, the women did everything that needed to be done during this sacred time of the service. But when it was actually time to serve the communion to the congregation, in my church, this could only be done by an ordained elder and only men were ordained.
As a child, I never gave this reality much thought. But as I got into my early twenties, the analytical side of my being started to develop. It was then that I began to wonder why it was that women could prepare the food for before and after the service and touch everybody’s plate in serving food to church members, friends, and family. But suddenly when we were observing the most sacred piece of cracker and grape juice, suddenly the women who had put it on the plate and in the little cups were not allowed to serve it to the congregation of believers – the same believers that they would serve chicken dinners to any other time.
A decade later I would learn about the debate between substantiation and transubstantiation. Ok, fine, but my denomination’s stance on the Eucharist is that of Zwingli, that the elements of the table do not change in essence but symbolize the Body and Blood of Christ. So what does gender really have to do with who serves the Last Supper to the congregation?
Well moving right along,------- I began work to wrap my brain around how God really felt about women. Ended up getting a Liberal Arts degree in Religious Studies from taking classes just to learn and understand about God and Religion. I know that a lot of men are chauvinists, some know they are and others have no idea that they are, but still the truth remains. I just don’t believe that God is a chauvinist.
Now years after graduate school (seminary), having read a lot of theological works and a few on feminist theology, and a few on liberation theology, I still in my own self wonder why the issue of women in ministry is such a hard thing for the church, not just my denomination, but for many denominations to accept?
At the same time, that women are being told that they now can excel in the corporate world, the church is saying that you shouldn’t do that in an ecclesiastical setting. Why does the church encourage women to excel at mediocrity? I kept wondering why was God calling women to the ministry, only to have them face being ostracized by many Christian denominations. In my own struggle to understand, I kept wondering why the church treated all women as if they were equal. I mean, every woman is not called to leadership in the church, just as every woman is not called to run a secular corporation, every woman is not a great cook, every woman is not a great seamstress, etc.
Each woman has her own unique gifts and talents. Women vary just as much as everything else n God’s creation. It is dehumanizing to assume that there is no difference or distinction on how God created each woman unique and to God’s own liking. This would be the reason that wives are not interchangeable. Why have so many women become ecclesiastically docile? Hear me when I say being respectful and docile are two completely different things. A woman is to submit to her own husband, not every man in the world. Seriously, who wants their wife or daughter obeying the thoughts of any and every man? That is a dangerous thought process at best.
I have watched so many women who are movers and shakers in their career become mousy and ashamed in a church setting. Which manifestation is the truly God given identity, and what would God have them use their ability to accomplish for the kingdom of God, if they were liberated to serve God to full capacity?
I am sure by now, if you know your bible, you have your list of scriptures ready to reply to what I am saying…… I know them all. I was raised hearing them.
Ok, so you are asking, if I know about the scriptures concerning women being silent in church, then what is the point of my writing. Glad you asked. Now I can tell you.
First of all, I am not calling for women to disrupt the worship service of their local church. But if you truly believed that women should be silent in church, why are they allowed to do ANYTHING during the service or in the sanctuary for that matter? If you want women to be silent in church, then why are they singing in your choir and on your praise team? Last I heard, you cant sing silently…….and no one has ever mentioned us all going outside when it was time for a woman to sing. And what about the announcements? In most churches, it is a woman who reads the announcements. So shouldn’t she be reading them silently?
The truth is that both in the world and in the church, it takes both men and women working together to accomplish the furtherance of the Gospel. There are certain things that each of us does well regardless of gender.
But let us future forward to the day when Christ will return for the Church. It is like this – on the wedding day the bride must be ready for the groom. We all know this in the natural. The bible gives us some insight into the expectations for the Bride of Christ, ‘without spot or wrinkle’. The Church must not only be well prepared for the return of Christ, but there is a lot of attention given to detail. Everything is prepared.
I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before now. I guess it was not time…. I am sure that this understanding is all about timing, not my timing but God’s timing.
As a child is growing up, a lot of people impart into the growing life and mind. The mother or grandmother or some mother figure is the first teacher that a child has in the world. Both males and females learn from her. As a female approaches the age of marriage, some of the knowledge she will need must come from a female in her life. Both men and women have been a part of her learning and preparation throughout life. But on the wedding day, a lot of preparation that has taken place over time is manifested in the moment that the bride is presented to the groom. Most of that preparation was done long in advance of that actual wedding day, but all comes together on the wedding day.
As the Bride of Christ is getting ready to be joined with Christ at his return, everything must be made ready. The bride must be ready, and a man can’t dress a bride. Not even the father of the bride, who has protected her from all danger, participates in her dressing for the wedding. When she is ready, the father will present her to the groom. But the father leaves the preparation and dressing of the bride to women. So why wouldn’t the Almighty God entrust women with preparing the Bride of Christ.
It takes a woman to see the revealed body and to prepare it and adorn it to meet the groom. A women, who is attentive to every little wrinkle that might go un-noticed, or to find the spot that might be hidden in an un-obvious location. It takes a woman to give the attention to detail need to make sure that everything is as best as it can be for the presentation of the Bride to her Groom.
The church is made up of both men and women, serving and growing in relationship with God. As we approach the time that the Bride of Christ but be prepared to meet Him when He come, God is selecting those whom God has equipped for the last attention to details as needed. Women in Ministry have been called by God to dress the Bride of Christ. Let us make ready for soon we shall hear, with expectation the proclamation, “Behold the Bride-Groom cometh”.
October 6, 2010
Tried in the Fire
As I was watching the nightly news on this week, I was frustrated to see a story about a small community in Tennessee. It was hours away from there area where I was born and raised, but yet it was in my home state. So I became a bit invested in the story before I even understood the extent to which the contents of the news story would frustrate me.
Home Burns, Firefighters Refuse to Respond
What immediately came to my mind was the greatest commandment (Matthew 22:36-40). It saddens me to see what has become of our treatment of each other in this country. Everything boils down to the almighty dollar. Being a capitalist country has almost completely alleviated the heart of so many Americans.
This may sound like a harsh observation, but ask yourself this, 'how in the world could those trained and equipped to fight fires be so callus as to stand by knowing that a family's home is burning down and not do anything about it over $75 worth of fire protection? I do understand the dynamics of the county budget and such, but this seems almost mafia in spirit. With any law there is the spirit of the law and the letter of the law. And I would dare guess that this fee was set in place as a way to finance the service, but it has now become the same service that was denied to someone in need.
In this small town, I cant image what makes others in the community able to watch a friend and a neighbor's home burn to the ground based on some principle that is not grounded in Christian love. What happened to the days when we helped our neighbors build and maintain? There is this image in my mind of the neighbors coming with buckets and passing them to each other to reach the flames in a joint effort to put out the fire. There was a time when this seemed like just the right thing to do. There is no mention of the people in the neighborhood standing up to the challenge to help put out the fire, even though the local firefighters wouldnt fight the fire. So in my mind, the neighbors are just as much of a concern as the issue with the firefighters. Even if the firefighters refused to work to put out the fire over the $75 fee, why weren't the neighbors willing to pitch in form a plan of action and work to save the home? Who wants neighbors that will stand by and let your home burn down without at least making some neighborly effort?
As a Christian nation, are we not disturbed to know that we treat each other this way? This family not only lost their home, but they lost family heirlooms and family history. When do we begin to re-evaluate what it is that we say that we believe? When do we stand up for what is right?
Home Burns, Firefighters Refuse to Respond
What immediately came to my mind was the greatest commandment (Matthew 22:36-40). It saddens me to see what has become of our treatment of each other in this country. Everything boils down to the almighty dollar. Being a capitalist country has almost completely alleviated the heart of so many Americans.
This may sound like a harsh observation, but ask yourself this, 'how in the world could those trained and equipped to fight fires be so callus as to stand by knowing that a family's home is burning down and not do anything about it over $75 worth of fire protection? I do understand the dynamics of the county budget and such, but this seems almost mafia in spirit. With any law there is the spirit of the law and the letter of the law. And I would dare guess that this fee was set in place as a way to finance the service, but it has now become the same service that was denied to someone in need.
In this small town, I cant image what makes others in the community able to watch a friend and a neighbor's home burn to the ground based on some principle that is not grounded in Christian love. What happened to the days when we helped our neighbors build and maintain? There is this image in my mind of the neighbors coming with buckets and passing them to each other to reach the flames in a joint effort to put out the fire. There was a time when this seemed like just the right thing to do. There is no mention of the people in the neighborhood standing up to the challenge to help put out the fire, even though the local firefighters wouldnt fight the fire. So in my mind, the neighbors are just as much of a concern as the issue with the firefighters. Even if the firefighters refused to work to put out the fire over the $75 fee, why weren't the neighbors willing to pitch in form a plan of action and work to save the home? Who wants neighbors that will stand by and let your home burn down without at least making some neighborly effort?
As a Christian nation, are we not disturbed to know that we treat each other this way? This family not only lost their home, but they lost family heirlooms and family history. When do we begin to re-evaluate what it is that we say that we believe? When do we stand up for what is right?
September 26, 2010
Stand By Your Man - THE WOMAN OF COVENANT
There is an age old adage that states, ‘behind every great man there is a great woman’. Most take this statement lightly, not realizing the words and actions of a woman can build up or tear down a man. Not only in his self-identity but in his function. Many men live out the words that the woman in their life has spoken over them – whether negative or positive. Many men draw closer or more distant based on the words and deeds of the woman in their life.
This afternoon when I returned from church, I noticed that someone had posted a press conference that Bishop Eddie Long gave following his church service. Aside from the fact that he made no mention of the charges that have been brought up against him, which I don’t find surprising, since any decent lawyer would advise such, what I did notice touched me more than anything else.
So, I am not going to write about any of the allegations, or the legality or the morality issues, or the church, but I am going to write about the woman in the covenant.
Behind him, standing silently was his wife. My heart goes out to her. And I have a great deal of respect for her, all at the same time. It is very easy for each of us to say what we would do if faced with such a situation but opinions are easy when the situation is not your reality.
My imagination is not large enough to formulate an idea of what this past week has been like for her. One can only speculate as to how shocked she has been by all that has been alleged. But what I can guess is that she has a lot of emotion behind this whole scandal.
I wonder how all of this affects her hopes and dreams and even her self-esteem. I wonder what thoughts are racing through her mind as she stands in front of the media, standing behind her husband as he speaks but doesn’t address the matter directly.
But as a wife, in the midst of it all, she was standing there with her husband. So many times when people get married they take their vows as simply some cute words to say to make their love legally legitimate. But when you look at the intent of those words, the hopes of a wedding day, can in no way prepare you for all that a lifetime of life will bring to you as a married couple.
I am always attentive to how a wife responds to the hard situations. It is truly amazing to me to see who stays in love with their man, even when things aren’t the best. It amazes me at who leaves at the slightest bit of discomfort in their marriage. To stand before God and proclaim your dedication to the covenant of marriage is not to be taken lightly. And you should be sure that you can live up to the promise of ‘for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer’.
Staying in a marriage is easy when everything is romantic and making your heart skip a beat, but staying in a marriage when things are tough and unimaginable and when the whole world knows too much about your spouse’s struggles is something.
Love and devotion don’t always go together. It can never be assumed that those who love you will stay devoted to you. On the wedding day, there is more hope than there is a guarantee. Putting trust in another person to guard your heart and your life is a huge step.
When you have put your trust and hopes and dreams in the hands of another person by making the commitment of marriage, you have shifted so many things in your own identity for the greater good of the union. To care for and consider the needs of your spouse become sacrificial expressions of love and devotion.
Every woman wants to be standing with her man when his greatness is being proclaimed, but few want to be there when things are scandalous. So when I see a wife standing behind her man, I cant help but wonder what is it that makes her have the ability to stand there. I think about the shame and anger and embarrassment that I would feel if it were I in that same situation. I can only image, because it isn’t me.
Marriage is so serious. No marriage is perfect. Neither of the two people in the marriage are perfect. When you place your heart in the hands of another person, you give away some of your ability to walk in the kinds of liberties that come with singleness. And when you say that you want to be with someone for the rest of your life, you can expect that all those days wont be great ones. Some days may very well be much worse than you could ever imagine. Plenty of women leave when times get hard or when the money is tight, but if you ask me this is the test of love’s endurance.
Many want the pretty dress and the expensive ring or the house, but do you really want the man that he is……. enough to say that you will stand by your man no matter what comes?
This afternoon when I returned from church, I noticed that someone had posted a press conference that Bishop Eddie Long gave following his church service. Aside from the fact that he made no mention of the charges that have been brought up against him, which I don’t find surprising, since any decent lawyer would advise such, what I did notice touched me more than anything else.
So, I am not going to write about any of the allegations, or the legality or the morality issues, or the church, but I am going to write about the woman in the covenant.
Behind him, standing silently was his wife. My heart goes out to her. And I have a great deal of respect for her, all at the same time. It is very easy for each of us to say what we would do if faced with such a situation but opinions are easy when the situation is not your reality.
My imagination is not large enough to formulate an idea of what this past week has been like for her. One can only speculate as to how shocked she has been by all that has been alleged. But what I can guess is that she has a lot of emotion behind this whole scandal.
I wonder how all of this affects her hopes and dreams and even her self-esteem. I wonder what thoughts are racing through her mind as she stands in front of the media, standing behind her husband as he speaks but doesn’t address the matter directly.
But as a wife, in the midst of it all, she was standing there with her husband. So many times when people get married they take their vows as simply some cute words to say to make their love legally legitimate. But when you look at the intent of those words, the hopes of a wedding day, can in no way prepare you for all that a lifetime of life will bring to you as a married couple.
I am always attentive to how a wife responds to the hard situations. It is truly amazing to me to see who stays in love with their man, even when things aren’t the best. It amazes me at who leaves at the slightest bit of discomfort in their marriage. To stand before God and proclaim your dedication to the covenant of marriage is not to be taken lightly. And you should be sure that you can live up to the promise of ‘for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer’.
Staying in a marriage is easy when everything is romantic and making your heart skip a beat, but staying in a marriage when things are tough and unimaginable and when the whole world knows too much about your spouse’s struggles is something.
Love and devotion don’t always go together. It can never be assumed that those who love you will stay devoted to you. On the wedding day, there is more hope than there is a guarantee. Putting trust in another person to guard your heart and your life is a huge step.
When you have put your trust and hopes and dreams in the hands of another person by making the commitment of marriage, you have shifted so many things in your own identity for the greater good of the union. To care for and consider the needs of your spouse become sacrificial expressions of love and devotion.
Every woman wants to be standing with her man when his greatness is being proclaimed, but few want to be there when things are scandalous. So when I see a wife standing behind her man, I cant help but wonder what is it that makes her have the ability to stand there. I think about the shame and anger and embarrassment that I would feel if it were I in that same situation. I can only image, because it isn’t me.
Marriage is so serious. No marriage is perfect. Neither of the two people in the marriage are perfect. When you place your heart in the hands of another person, you give away some of your ability to walk in the kinds of liberties that come with singleness. And when you say that you want to be with someone for the rest of your life, you can expect that all those days wont be great ones. Some days may very well be much worse than you could ever imagine. Plenty of women leave when times get hard or when the money is tight, but if you ask me this is the test of love’s endurance.
Many want the pretty dress and the expensive ring or the house, but do you really want the man that he is……. enough to say that you will stand by your man no matter what comes?
September 23, 2010
PATERNAL CASTRATION
Fatherhood is and should be a rank of social status in both the home and the community. There is authority in being a FATHER. On the other hand, being a Daddy, is a privilege. Daddy is the one that takes you fun places and makes things entertaining for you life and development.
Our society has promoted the role of being a daddy to the extent that it has all but alleviated the honor of being a FATHER. There is no wonder that people lack one of the most essential characteristic traits that comes from the impact that a real father has on the lives of those around him. We see it every day in the sense of entitlement that everyone feels to do as they please without regard for how it affects others. We see it in the decline of moral and social standards. It can be described with one simple word, but I think Aretha Franklin sang it best when she belted out, ‘R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me’. What does it mean to us today?
One of the first places that a developing individual learns this concept of respect is from the Father. For he is the one who sets the boundaries of what will and will not be acceptable behavior for everyone in his presence and under his authority. His rank commands that what he says is to be give the utmost attention.
All of this ‘you are fine, just the way you are’, would not have been acceptable a generation ago. So what has changed? Fathers have been socially, morally and legally castrated. It seems to be ok with everyone, since it has not become official with physical castration. But when you take away the utmost identity of a person and their right to walk in their God given identity, you set things out of order. And this state of being out of order is affecting every aspect of our society. We must welcome all real fathers to take their rightful place in the home and in the community. We must encourage those who are slacking in their role as father to understand that they are needed by us all.
Although I am a female, I feel that I have some justified ability to speak on this matter because I am unmistakably a Daddy’s Girl. Anyone who knows me personally can testify to this fact. Also anyone who knows me can tell you that my father lives with authority in his home, in his church and in his community….so much so that there are now those who affectionately call him ‘Papa’. But when I was a little girl, people called him, ‘Mr. Williams’ and those adults who knew him well referred to him as ‘Big George’. And one thing that everyone knew is that you were not going to mistreat his daughter. This was not a topic of discussion. It was so.
Beyond his role as a father to me, he was also not going to let injustice happen to any other child in my neighborhood. His primary focus was his own child, but it reached further to be about the community at large. It was about what was morally correct.
This role of fatherhood didn’t develop in isolation, for my father, it came from his father, his grandfather and a host of men in his community that all understood that they were setting a standard for how the environment would govern itself with some standards of moral sensibility. It was the intention to not let another male give manhood a bad name.
That being said, I can not really find the words to express my frustration at the media fiasco that has come of the father who went onto the school bus to address the children that were mistreating his daughter. I cant condone his language or his verbiage, but I do commend him walking in the role of a father. It is completely within his right to speak to the child who is mistreating his child, and it is completely within him right to speak to the parents of the child or children who are mistreating his child.
More than his use of foul language, I am offended that he is being treated as if he has committed some criminal act for addressing the situation. Now if he had physically handled the child then I might make a different judgment on the matter, but his verbal response to the situation was to shift the boundaries of what was appropriate in the treatment of his daughter on the bus. Basic human rights.
There are those who say that this should have been handled by the authority of the school or by the guidance counselor. SINCE WHEN, SHOULD THE SCHOOL HAVE MORE SAY OR AUTHORITY IN THE PROTECTION OF A CHILD THAN THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER OF THE CHILD?
Statistically there is more justification for the entire community being involved in the raising of a child versus the standards falling on the governmental agencies. Less people went to jail when the extension cord, the belt, the switch and such were not illegal as a form of discipline. I don’t condone abuse, but there is a distinct difference in discipline and abuse. Every time your feelings get hurt you have not been abused.
Now intrusive government has made parents scared to discipline their children. People are walking around scared to make their children behave because some outsider my think it inappropriate. So now we all have to live with the little banshees conducting themselves with no respect for others or themselves.
And this situation on this school bus needed to be addressed by adults. This father is a grown man, so he shouldn’t have to function like a child and go tell someone to make them stop. A Father is not supposed to handle situations like a child would handle the situation by telling an adult. If the situation has escalated to the point of needing further intervention, then it would have been correct to involve the school authorities.
Where I come from we had a kind of fear that caused us to respect adults and conduct ourselves as best we could in the presence of an adult. So it really didn’t matter whose parents they were, we respected them because they were parents. It was that simple. And yes some of those parents didn’t always speak to us with kind and flowery word, but we knew better than to be disrespectful in their presence. We had social boundaries. It made us better people because we grew up with a sense of being in the world that produced a level of character in us that was and is unmistakable.
Now that I think about it, we were just as respectful of the administrators at our school as we were the parents in the neighborhood. And to say that our guidance counselor didn’t play, she was all about making sure we had the best opportunity to learn and think about our future. As teenagers we dreaded having to discuss our misconduct with her just as much as anything else. When we saw her coming down the hall, there was no question that we all became academic soldiers serious about staying focused for the next class. As a matter of fact, most of our teachers and administrators were serious about our academic progress and passed on that love of learning to us.
This is the other reason that this news story of the child on the school bus disheartens me because I want to hear about how the administrators care about the emotional and physical well being of the students on the school bus. The girl in this news story is struggling with all that she had to deal with and I am not seeing anything being addressed but that the father stood up to the children who where bullying the child… so much so that now the father is going to be called a bully. WHAT?
Let me go back to the town where I was raised, and point out all of the adults that were not going to tolerate children conducting themselves any kind of way, whether on the school bus, or anywhere else for that matter. If I went back to the 70’s and 80’s and just think about how we felt when a parent had to look out the door to see what we were doing because we got too loud, or to see who was playing in their yard, then I would have a Christmas list worth of bullies.
In a lot of ways, we knew the boundaries of us as children and the reality that we were not equals to adults. We understood that parents were to be respected. As children, we fought and disagreed with each other, and learned conflict resolution first hand, but the parents set the boundaries to make sure that things didn’t go too far.
If I had to list all of the adults that set us in line and threatened to do us harm if we didn’t conduct ourselves better, then over half of my neighborhood would have been in big trouble with the law because they enforced the social standards that helped us grow up in safety to become decent respectful adults.
Let us stop the media version of castration being done to a father who simple wanted to protect his daughter from emotional and physical harm. And I say, let this father be a father.
Let all fathers, who sincerely want to walk in the God given authority of being a protector and provider for their family and community, stand unashamed as they prepare the next generation to be good and moral citizens.
Our society has promoted the role of being a daddy to the extent that it has all but alleviated the honor of being a FATHER. There is no wonder that people lack one of the most essential characteristic traits that comes from the impact that a real father has on the lives of those around him. We see it every day in the sense of entitlement that everyone feels to do as they please without regard for how it affects others. We see it in the decline of moral and social standards. It can be described with one simple word, but I think Aretha Franklin sang it best when she belted out, ‘R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me’. What does it mean to us today?
One of the first places that a developing individual learns this concept of respect is from the Father. For he is the one who sets the boundaries of what will and will not be acceptable behavior for everyone in his presence and under his authority. His rank commands that what he says is to be give the utmost attention.
All of this ‘you are fine, just the way you are’, would not have been acceptable a generation ago. So what has changed? Fathers have been socially, morally and legally castrated. It seems to be ok with everyone, since it has not become official with physical castration. But when you take away the utmost identity of a person and their right to walk in their God given identity, you set things out of order. And this state of being out of order is affecting every aspect of our society. We must welcome all real fathers to take their rightful place in the home and in the community. We must encourage those who are slacking in their role as father to understand that they are needed by us all.
Although I am a female, I feel that I have some justified ability to speak on this matter because I am unmistakably a Daddy’s Girl. Anyone who knows me personally can testify to this fact. Also anyone who knows me can tell you that my father lives with authority in his home, in his church and in his community….so much so that there are now those who affectionately call him ‘Papa’. But when I was a little girl, people called him, ‘Mr. Williams’ and those adults who knew him well referred to him as ‘Big George’. And one thing that everyone knew is that you were not going to mistreat his daughter. This was not a topic of discussion. It was so.
Beyond his role as a father to me, he was also not going to let injustice happen to any other child in my neighborhood. His primary focus was his own child, but it reached further to be about the community at large. It was about what was morally correct.
This role of fatherhood didn’t develop in isolation, for my father, it came from his father, his grandfather and a host of men in his community that all understood that they were setting a standard for how the environment would govern itself with some standards of moral sensibility. It was the intention to not let another male give manhood a bad name.
That being said, I can not really find the words to express my frustration at the media fiasco that has come of the father who went onto the school bus to address the children that were mistreating his daughter. I cant condone his language or his verbiage, but I do commend him walking in the role of a father. It is completely within his right to speak to the child who is mistreating his child, and it is completely within him right to speak to the parents of the child or children who are mistreating his child.
More than his use of foul language, I am offended that he is being treated as if he has committed some criminal act for addressing the situation. Now if he had physically handled the child then I might make a different judgment on the matter, but his verbal response to the situation was to shift the boundaries of what was appropriate in the treatment of his daughter on the bus. Basic human rights.
There are those who say that this should have been handled by the authority of the school or by the guidance counselor. SINCE WHEN, SHOULD THE SCHOOL HAVE MORE SAY OR AUTHORITY IN THE PROTECTION OF A CHILD THAN THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER OF THE CHILD?
Statistically there is more justification for the entire community being involved in the raising of a child versus the standards falling on the governmental agencies. Less people went to jail when the extension cord, the belt, the switch and such were not illegal as a form of discipline. I don’t condone abuse, but there is a distinct difference in discipline and abuse. Every time your feelings get hurt you have not been abused.
Now intrusive government has made parents scared to discipline their children. People are walking around scared to make their children behave because some outsider my think it inappropriate. So now we all have to live with the little banshees conducting themselves with no respect for others or themselves.
And this situation on this school bus needed to be addressed by adults. This father is a grown man, so he shouldn’t have to function like a child and go tell someone to make them stop. A Father is not supposed to handle situations like a child would handle the situation by telling an adult. If the situation has escalated to the point of needing further intervention, then it would have been correct to involve the school authorities.
Where I come from we had a kind of fear that caused us to respect adults and conduct ourselves as best we could in the presence of an adult. So it really didn’t matter whose parents they were, we respected them because they were parents. It was that simple. And yes some of those parents didn’t always speak to us with kind and flowery word, but we knew better than to be disrespectful in their presence. We had social boundaries. It made us better people because we grew up with a sense of being in the world that produced a level of character in us that was and is unmistakable.
Now that I think about it, we were just as respectful of the administrators at our school as we were the parents in the neighborhood. And to say that our guidance counselor didn’t play, she was all about making sure we had the best opportunity to learn and think about our future. As teenagers we dreaded having to discuss our misconduct with her just as much as anything else. When we saw her coming down the hall, there was no question that we all became academic soldiers serious about staying focused for the next class. As a matter of fact, most of our teachers and administrators were serious about our academic progress and passed on that love of learning to us.
This is the other reason that this news story of the child on the school bus disheartens me because I want to hear about how the administrators care about the emotional and physical well being of the students on the school bus. The girl in this news story is struggling with all that she had to deal with and I am not seeing anything being addressed but that the father stood up to the children who where bullying the child… so much so that now the father is going to be called a bully. WHAT?
Let me go back to the town where I was raised, and point out all of the adults that were not going to tolerate children conducting themselves any kind of way, whether on the school bus, or anywhere else for that matter. If I went back to the 70’s and 80’s and just think about how we felt when a parent had to look out the door to see what we were doing because we got too loud, or to see who was playing in their yard, then I would have a Christmas list worth of bullies.
In a lot of ways, we knew the boundaries of us as children and the reality that we were not equals to adults. We understood that parents were to be respected. As children, we fought and disagreed with each other, and learned conflict resolution first hand, but the parents set the boundaries to make sure that things didn’t go too far.
If I had to list all of the adults that set us in line and threatened to do us harm if we didn’t conduct ourselves better, then over half of my neighborhood would have been in big trouble with the law because they enforced the social standards that helped us grow up in safety to become decent respectful adults.
Let us stop the media version of castration being done to a father who simple wanted to protect his daughter from emotional and physical harm. And I say, let this father be a father.
Let all fathers, who sincerely want to walk in the God given authority of being a protector and provider for their family and community, stand unashamed as they prepare the next generation to be good and moral citizens.
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