There is an age old adage that states, ‘behind every great man there is a great woman’. Most take this statement lightly, not realizing the words and actions of a woman can build up or tear down a man. Not only in his self-identity but in his function. Many men live out the words that the woman in their life has spoken over them – whether negative or positive. Many men draw closer or more distant based on the words and deeds of the woman in their life.
This afternoon when I returned from church, I noticed that someone had posted a press conference that Bishop Eddie Long gave following his church service. Aside from the fact that he made no mention of the charges that have been brought up against him, which I don’t find surprising, since any decent lawyer would advise such, what I did notice touched me more than anything else.
So, I am not going to write about any of the allegations, or the legality or the morality issues, or the church, but I am going to write about the woman in the covenant.
Behind him, standing silently was his wife. My heart goes out to her. And I have a great deal of respect for her, all at the same time. It is very easy for each of us to say what we would do if faced with such a situation but opinions are easy when the situation is not your reality.
My imagination is not large enough to formulate an idea of what this past week has been like for her. One can only speculate as to how shocked she has been by all that has been alleged. But what I can guess is that she has a lot of emotion behind this whole scandal.
I wonder how all of this affects her hopes and dreams and even her self-esteem. I wonder what thoughts are racing through her mind as she stands in front of the media, standing behind her husband as he speaks but doesn’t address the matter directly.
But as a wife, in the midst of it all, she was standing there with her husband. So many times when people get married they take their vows as simply some cute words to say to make their love legally legitimate. But when you look at the intent of those words, the hopes of a wedding day, can in no way prepare you for all that a lifetime of life will bring to you as a married couple.
I am always attentive to how a wife responds to the hard situations. It is truly amazing to me to see who stays in love with their man, even when things aren’t the best. It amazes me at who leaves at the slightest bit of discomfort in their marriage. To stand before God and proclaim your dedication to the covenant of marriage is not to be taken lightly. And you should be sure that you can live up to the promise of ‘for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer’.
Staying in a marriage is easy when everything is romantic and making your heart skip a beat, but staying in a marriage when things are tough and unimaginable and when the whole world knows too much about your spouse’s struggles is something.
Love and devotion don’t always go together. It can never be assumed that those who love you will stay devoted to you. On the wedding day, there is more hope than there is a guarantee. Putting trust in another person to guard your heart and your life is a huge step.
When you have put your trust and hopes and dreams in the hands of another person by making the commitment of marriage, you have shifted so many things in your own identity for the greater good of the union. To care for and consider the needs of your spouse become sacrificial expressions of love and devotion.
Every woman wants to be standing with her man when his greatness is being proclaimed, but few want to be there when things are scandalous. So when I see a wife standing behind her man, I cant help but wonder what is it that makes her have the ability to stand there. I think about the shame and anger and embarrassment that I would feel if it were I in that same situation. I can only image, because it isn’t me.
Marriage is so serious. No marriage is perfect. Neither of the two people in the marriage are perfect. When you place your heart in the hands of another person, you give away some of your ability to walk in the kinds of liberties that come with singleness. And when you say that you want to be with someone for the rest of your life, you can expect that all those days wont be great ones. Some days may very well be much worse than you could ever imagine. Plenty of women leave when times get hard or when the money is tight, but if you ask me this is the test of love’s endurance.
Many want the pretty dress and the expensive ring or the house, but do you really want the man that he is……. enough to say that you will stand by your man no matter what comes?
No comments:
Post a Comment