The holiday that is celebrated as Valentine's Day is completely made up by the materialistic and capitalistic agenda. There was a historical martyr who was killed for secretly marrying Christian couples during a time when it was forbidden. And this is significant for several reasons, because I can see our culture drifting towards attempting to make it illegal once again for Christians to marry, but that truth is not what is discussed on the holiday celebrated by this name. The world likes the money making aspect of the holidays, but wants to remove the Christian significance. And this holiday is no different. Mostly started by greeting card companies and embraced by jewelry distributors because it stands to bring great profits to their companies by simply selling a desired concept - Love.
The truth of the matter is that love is much greater and stronger than any card, flowers, candy or jewelry can represent. Yes, we all like to receive gifts. Yes, we appreciate that someone thinks enough to invest in showing how much they care. There is no question about that at all.
Love is spiritual. Love is a spiritual act. Love is about positive impact in the life of another person.
Love is essentially at the core of the human ability to understand how much God considers humanity (John 3:16). God's love can be gentle and kind, but God's love can also be redirecting and correcting. This is not the way that the marketing world wants you to see God's love. The little fat angels with arrows are completely different from the might angels that move at God's command. In this same way, the world shrinks love down to a materialistic expression. When in truth everything about God's love is mighty.
In this way, when God becomes the binding force in a relationship it becomes unbreakable. (Eccl 4:9-12). To love and to be loved is a beautiful thing that allows one to flourish in every aspect of life. The companionship is different from any other type of interaction. Love that is grounded in God's Love is nourishing. The love that the world markets at its core is like a leech, always looking for opportunity to deplete and take more and more without regard for return. But when God is at the core of love, there is a freedom to give and be what the other person needs without any consideration for the return, because the entire experience is enveloped in mutuality.
Mutuality is not the same as equality. Men can handle physical things that a woman was not designed to handle, and women can handle physical things that a man was not designed to handle. Here again, the secular world attempts to rebrand what God created. Men and women are designed by God with specific intention, and there are some distinct differences both in physical characteristics and skill sets. For example: A man's body is not designed or equipped to bring a living breathing life into this world, but a woman's body is built receive the seed, to carry the developing life, deliver the person into this world, and to feed the new person until the person is able to eat from other food sources. God designs with intention.
Each gender brings something complementary to the characteristics of the other. This is by God's design. Men and women were never created to contradict each other nor to be in competition with each other, but were created to contrast each other in a way that draws emphasis that displays the other. Men and women were designed to compliment each other.
The secular world screams for equality, but God's economy of love was created for us to bring to the other person what they dont have within their own self. This is what physical attraction is about and is at the core necessity of intimacy. Society attempts to devalue what is the most priceless part of how God created male and female, with distinction. Yes, there are plenty of things that a man can do just as well as a women, and there are plenty of things that a woman can do just as well as a man. But, when it is all said and done, we were not created for sameness, so even in having some of the same skill sets and many features in common, we are different and where created for the purpose of being what the other needs, but does not contain within self.
We must be careful not to allow similar skill sets to appear to be signs of compatibility. Team members often have the same strengths and the same passion, but each also has to bring something that the other does not have or possess. This is what makes the team a well functioning unit and a couple is a well functioning unit, a team.
This is why it is important to be equally yoked, for the productivity of the team (2 Corinthians 6:14). Both spiritually and naturally, this is important. When your life is connected to the life of another person, you have to agree on which direction and for what you are working towards. Common sense would tell you that you cant have one person wanting to go North and the other person wanting to go South, because then all of their energy is depleted in the internal struggle of the team not going the same direction. When there is a tug of war in a relationship, sadly, someone wins. And this means that someone is losing ground on the direction they want to go towards. This changes what should be a win-win into a win-lose. This is why it is so important to attach your life to someone who is spiritually going the same direction as yourself. When both individuals are determined to go in the same direction, then there is an agreement of effort that become empowering, because both are using their strengths and skills to move forward. The team wins together.
Traditional marriage is attacked because it is evident how strong a well working unit is in accomplishing anything that the team sets its mind to accomplish. God created marriage that way, and God designed it so that LOVE is central to motivate the individuals to withstand the most challenging of times and situations to stay focused on the end result of the family.
Growing together in God is empowering. With the love of Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Ghost, the Christian couple is unified and formidable .
Godly love has a ripple affect of blessings in the life of the Christian.
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
February 14, 2018
May 22, 2017
Spirituality and Sexuality - Part 1
For some days now I have been thinking about writing on the topic of love, but instead I am going to try to tackle a much more intense topic that is rarely discussed from a Christian spiritual frame of thinking. It will probably take more than one post to really begin to unpack this topic, because there are a lot of variables that can play out, both naturally and spiritually.
Sex is not often talked about by Christians as a positive. Most of the time when it is discussed in church, it is from the list of dont do. So even when Christians get married, they enter into marriage not knowing much about how sacred the sexual act of intercourse really is for both of them.
There needs to be more clarity given to the difference in the sacred act of intercourse in marriage and the physical sport of casual sexual behavior that is so common in our culture today. The bible is constantly talking about the flesh in the New Testament. This is for a very good reason.
You need your senses to be aware of the natural world around you as well as to be aware of the spiritual world around you. If you allow your senses to control you, then you will become desensitized to what is going on around you, both naturally and spiritually. You have to be the controller of your flesh, you can not allow your flesh to control you.
In the context of a monogamous marriage, the senses are strengthened and not depleted. This is because the man and the woman are sharing a sacred sexual experience. They are becoming unified and this level of unity manifest in every aspect of their lives as individuals and as a couple. This is why you will hear married people begin to use the same vocabulary and phrases, and even begin to communicate much more non verbally, as they become in tune with each other.
Pastors can look at the couples in their congregation and see which couples are truly unified and which couples are trying to pretend to be unified. When a couple is not equally yoked it is obvious, it shows in many ways, but most importantly it shows in what they are able to accomplish in their walk with Christ, and in their individual callings.
Sexual intercourse is not only the sharing of the physical body, but it is also the sharing of that person's spiritual self. So the person who has multiple sexual partners is becoming sexually schizophrenic. When you share your essence with someone, you are basically giving and receiving. You are giving away some of who you are spiritually and receiving some of who that person is spiritually. So when you are sexual with a person who does not view their own body as sacred and spiritually connected to God, then you are devaluing your own body and spirit.
In church, the message is to avoid being 'unequally yoked', or a more modern way to say it to say dont be tied to someone who is not a spiritual match. The yoke is an apparatus that is used to tie two working animals together so that the strength of them both can be used to increase the productivity by powering the load to be pulled by the strength of the unified effort. If one is too much stronger than the other, the stronger one will tire too quickly from taking too much of the labor load, and will eventually be dragging not only the weight of the load, but of the other animal too. This will not only make the progress take longer, but will eventually bring the work to a complete stop, much sooner than if the two animals are more equal in strength.
Take that and apply it to a marriage, and you can have two people who are on the same path and level of awareness spiritually and they can accomplish much more, and much faster than they could as individuals working solo. But if one of the people in the marriage is spending all of their prayer life and the spiritual awareness trying to drag someone along the path to spiritual growth, they risk becoming tired and unable to accomplish very much for the Kingdom because their spouse is lagging behind and as a team, they cant go any faster or any farther than the weaker, slower person is able or willing.
In seminary, one of the counseling classes that I had to take was Spirituality and Sexuality. This class was a lot of information about the functions of the body and how to minister to people who were dealing with various sexual issues and concerns. But when the instructors started talking about how you must understand that you are who you share your body with because you are sharing spiritually because sex is a spiritual act, I realized that in my upbringing this had not been discussed, but on some level it made total sense.
This is why those who are the most depleted as individuals are those who have given themselves away freely, and who are also the most empty spiritually and emotionally. The constant search for what can only be found in God is what the they are actually trying to find in another empty person. And two empty people can only share their emptiness. And the more empty the individual feels, the more they seek after someone to make them feel better, to feel full. It becomes a sad and dangerous cycle.
For a person to value your body, they must value their own. The person must see their sexuality as a sacred expression, not to be shared with just anyone and not to be shared with someone who is not on the same spiritual path. If a person shares their body with some who is spiritually schizophrenic, then the individual is welcoming all of those spirits that the other person has into their being as well. When this happens, all the spirits become familiar. When the spirits all become familiar, then the senses dont become alarmed and are no longer alert to the danger. As a matter of fact, because the spirits seem familiar, they will also seem to be safe. In other words, the spiritual attack is not an aggressive or violent one, but a gentle sensual one.
The bible lets us know that the marriage bed is undefiled, because the expectation is of respect for the body as sacred, and respect for the sexual experience of the marriage to be free from the residue of other people's spiritual residue. Therefore sacred sexuality is in the context of a monogamous marriage between spiritual equals. Even if they are not equals, they become equally what each person brings into the covenant bond. In this way , the marriage changes both the man and the woman into the version of self that is enmeshed with what they share with their spouse.
Sex is not often talked about by Christians as a positive. Most of the time when it is discussed in church, it is from the list of dont do. So even when Christians get married, they enter into marriage not knowing much about how sacred the sexual act of intercourse really is for both of them.
There needs to be more clarity given to the difference in the sacred act of intercourse in marriage and the physical sport of casual sexual behavior that is so common in our culture today. The bible is constantly talking about the flesh in the New Testament. This is for a very good reason.
You need your senses to be aware of the natural world around you as well as to be aware of the spiritual world around you. If you allow your senses to control you, then you will become desensitized to what is going on around you, both naturally and spiritually. You have to be the controller of your flesh, you can not allow your flesh to control you.
In the context of a monogamous marriage, the senses are strengthened and not depleted. This is because the man and the woman are sharing a sacred sexual experience. They are becoming unified and this level of unity manifest in every aspect of their lives as individuals and as a couple. This is why you will hear married people begin to use the same vocabulary and phrases, and even begin to communicate much more non verbally, as they become in tune with each other.
Pastors can look at the couples in their congregation and see which couples are truly unified and which couples are trying to pretend to be unified. When a couple is not equally yoked it is obvious, it shows in many ways, but most importantly it shows in what they are able to accomplish in their walk with Christ, and in their individual callings.
Sexual intercourse is not only the sharing of the physical body, but it is also the sharing of that person's spiritual self. So the person who has multiple sexual partners is becoming sexually schizophrenic. When you share your essence with someone, you are basically giving and receiving. You are giving away some of who you are spiritually and receiving some of who that person is spiritually. So when you are sexual with a person who does not view their own body as sacred and spiritually connected to God, then you are devaluing your own body and spirit.
In church, the message is to avoid being 'unequally yoked', or a more modern way to say it to say dont be tied to someone who is not a spiritual match. The yoke is an apparatus that is used to tie two working animals together so that the strength of them both can be used to increase the productivity by powering the load to be pulled by the strength of the unified effort. If one is too much stronger than the other, the stronger one will tire too quickly from taking too much of the labor load, and will eventually be dragging not only the weight of the load, but of the other animal too. This will not only make the progress take longer, but will eventually bring the work to a complete stop, much sooner than if the two animals are more equal in strength.
Take that and apply it to a marriage, and you can have two people who are on the same path and level of awareness spiritually and they can accomplish much more, and much faster than they could as individuals working solo. But if one of the people in the marriage is spending all of their prayer life and the spiritual awareness trying to drag someone along the path to spiritual growth, they risk becoming tired and unable to accomplish very much for the Kingdom because their spouse is lagging behind and as a team, they cant go any faster or any farther than the weaker, slower person is able or willing.
In seminary, one of the counseling classes that I had to take was Spirituality and Sexuality. This class was a lot of information about the functions of the body and how to minister to people who were dealing with various sexual issues and concerns. But when the instructors started talking about how you must understand that you are who you share your body with because you are sharing spiritually because sex is a spiritual act, I realized that in my upbringing this had not been discussed, but on some level it made total sense.
This is why those who are the most depleted as individuals are those who have given themselves away freely, and who are also the most empty spiritually and emotionally. The constant search for what can only be found in God is what the they are actually trying to find in another empty person. And two empty people can only share their emptiness. And the more empty the individual feels, the more they seek after someone to make them feel better, to feel full. It becomes a sad and dangerous cycle.
For a person to value your body, they must value their own. The person must see their sexuality as a sacred expression, not to be shared with just anyone and not to be shared with someone who is not on the same spiritual path. If a person shares their body with some who is spiritually schizophrenic, then the individual is welcoming all of those spirits that the other person has into their being as well. When this happens, all the spirits become familiar. When the spirits all become familiar, then the senses dont become alarmed and are no longer alert to the danger. As a matter of fact, because the spirits seem familiar, they will also seem to be safe. In other words, the spiritual attack is not an aggressive or violent one, but a gentle sensual one.
The bible lets us know that the marriage bed is undefiled, because the expectation is of respect for the body as sacred, and respect for the sexual experience of the marriage to be free from the residue of other people's spiritual residue. Therefore sacred sexuality is in the context of a monogamous marriage between spiritual equals. Even if they are not equals, they become equally what each person brings into the covenant bond. In this way , the marriage changes both the man and the woman into the version of self that is enmeshed with what they share with their spouse.
October 6, 2011
Why Be A Christian?
What really separates Christians from the rest of the world? This is the question I have been asking myself lately. Not because I dont already have my own ideas about the subject, but because I am curious to know what the mental status is of the masses.
For me, being a Christian, has everything to do with understanding and replicating, in my own life the ideology, theology, and compassion of Christ. After all, Christ was concerned with those in the community. People were drawn to Jesus Christ because he had something to say, but also because his actions had a huge and wonderful impact on those around him. If we are to call ourselves Christians, followers of the life and teachings of Christ, then it should stand to reason that our lives should show some effectiveness in impacting the lives of others in a positive way.
Docile should not ever be the mode of operation for a Christian, who is attempting to live a life motivated by sharing the Good News of Jesus Christ. This does not mean that Christians should be constant warriors, nor does it mean that Christians should be absolutely passive. But what it does mean that we should navigate the impact that our life has on those around us in such a way that we reflect what it is that we say we believe.
Lately I have found myself amazed at how many people who are good church attending Christians, but have no sensibility towards anything outside of their church and home. How can you effectively share the love of Christ when your only concern is for people who are already stepping inside the doors of the church? Dont get me wrong, there are definitely some people attending church who are not necessarily followers of the teachings of Christ. So yes, there are lives to be impacted from inside the church, but there are masses of people who are walking this earth hurting, lonely and feeling disconnected from God, who could use some insight into how the Good News includes them.
Church as a community of believers is important to strengthening each other, both naturally and spiritually, as we all attempt to navigate this life, but we are also held accountable to the need for those who are not connected by a relationship with Jesus Christ. But in so many ways, church has become just the alternative to the club, where people show up for the ambiance, the music, networking, or just to be seen. Attending church should not have the same agenda as going out to the club. And wearing more conservative clothes does not mean the the agenda of your heart is right.
Church attendance should not be about proving to anyone that you are just as much of a Christian because you are always there. Church attendance should be about a desire to learn more about God through the fellowship and study of the Word of God in the presence of like-minded followers of the teachings of Jesus Christ. Hearing the preached Word is important because it should draw you in to realizing that God is waiting to receive you into a relationship with all that the Kingdom of God has to offer you both in this life, and in the afterlife.
As Christians, our own relationship with Christ, has limited growth potential until we become active agents of Christ' love and concern for others, and not just the people that we like or the people that we think are worthy. If receiving the love of Christ was based on who was worthy, then none of us would be eligible. In fact, it is realizing how unworthy we are that leaves us in awe of God's willingness to love and provide for us.
Anyone who thinks being loved is based on meeting a certain set of criteria, has missed the entire point of receiving love. None of us have received loved because we were deserving of it, we received love because of the heart of the giver of that love and the desire to share it. It is a matter of desire that compels us to want to share the love of Christ with others. Once we truly understand the depth of God's love for us, we cant help but want to share this great love with others.
I am thankful to God that Love was not given to me based on what I deserved, but based on what I needed, even when I didnt know that it was love that I needed. God has blessed each of us with the opportunity to show the Love of Jesus Christ. It is time to stop holding on to what was meant to be shared --- for it is in the spirit of sharing this Love that we find deeper understanding of our own relationship to the Ultimate Giver - God.
For me, being a Christian, has everything to do with understanding and replicating, in my own life the ideology, theology, and compassion of Christ. After all, Christ was concerned with those in the community. People were drawn to Jesus Christ because he had something to say, but also because his actions had a huge and wonderful impact on those around him. If we are to call ourselves Christians, followers of the life and teachings of Christ, then it should stand to reason that our lives should show some effectiveness in impacting the lives of others in a positive way.
Docile should not ever be the mode of operation for a Christian, who is attempting to live a life motivated by sharing the Good News of Jesus Christ. This does not mean that Christians should be constant warriors, nor does it mean that Christians should be absolutely passive. But what it does mean that we should navigate the impact that our life has on those around us in such a way that we reflect what it is that we say we believe.
Lately I have found myself amazed at how many people who are good church attending Christians, but have no sensibility towards anything outside of their church and home. How can you effectively share the love of Christ when your only concern is for people who are already stepping inside the doors of the church? Dont get me wrong, there are definitely some people attending church who are not necessarily followers of the teachings of Christ. So yes, there are lives to be impacted from inside the church, but there are masses of people who are walking this earth hurting, lonely and feeling disconnected from God, who could use some insight into how the Good News includes them.
Church as a community of believers is important to strengthening each other, both naturally and spiritually, as we all attempt to navigate this life, but we are also held accountable to the need for those who are not connected by a relationship with Jesus Christ. But in so many ways, church has become just the alternative to the club, where people show up for the ambiance, the music, networking, or just to be seen. Attending church should not have the same agenda as going out to the club. And wearing more conservative clothes does not mean the the agenda of your heart is right.
Church attendance should not be about proving to anyone that you are just as much of a Christian because you are always there. Church attendance should be about a desire to learn more about God through the fellowship and study of the Word of God in the presence of like-minded followers of the teachings of Jesus Christ. Hearing the preached Word is important because it should draw you in to realizing that God is waiting to receive you into a relationship with all that the Kingdom of God has to offer you both in this life, and in the afterlife.
As Christians, our own relationship with Christ, has limited growth potential until we become active agents of Christ' love and concern for others, and not just the people that we like or the people that we think are worthy. If receiving the love of Christ was based on who was worthy, then none of us would be eligible. In fact, it is realizing how unworthy we are that leaves us in awe of God's willingness to love and provide for us.
Anyone who thinks being loved is based on meeting a certain set of criteria, has missed the entire point of receiving love. None of us have received loved because we were deserving of it, we received love because of the heart of the giver of that love and the desire to share it. It is a matter of desire that compels us to want to share the love of Christ with others. Once we truly understand the depth of God's love for us, we cant help but want to share this great love with others.
I am thankful to God that Love was not given to me based on what I deserved, but based on what I needed, even when I didnt know that it was love that I needed. God has blessed each of us with the opportunity to show the Love of Jesus Christ. It is time to stop holding on to what was meant to be shared --- for it is in the spirit of sharing this Love that we find deeper understanding of our own relationship to the Ultimate Giver - God.
September 3, 2011
Humanization: Part 1 ( Inter-racial Relationships)
About a decade ago, when I was in seminary, a dear professor stated to the class that the best understanding of inter-racial relationships could be found in the Disney movie, "Beauty and the Beast". As I listened, I understood what he was saying, but now, a decade later, I get it. I now realize that I wasn't fully able to grasp the concept. I saw it no deeper than the socialization aspect. But now I get the impressions of the psyche that are manifested in the concept that was being presented.
What caused my further understanding has been a reflective re-reading of "Pedagogy of the Oppressed" by Paulo Freire. Amazingly this book dissects some basic experiences in terms of their affect on the psychological thought process of a person. So by taking the concepts presented in this book and framing my understanding of why inter-racial relationships are important for so many in this day and age. I get it.
As a 'free spirit' who does not look kindly on attempts to further oppress me, I now understand all the more the reasons why I have never been that interested in inter-racial dating as a choice for myself. I guess I could slightly correct that statement, depending on what you consider inter-racial, since I have dated persons other than African American. Anyone who knows me personally will affirm that I am truly my own person. That is not to say that I have not had my own battles with being oppressed because I have, and on so many levels. But at this point in my life, I am enjoying the freedom to embrace who I am, both internally and externally. And in some ways, I realize that I am still working to define my own humanity in this world that sets limitations on individuals not only on the basis of race, but also based on gender.
Ok, so since my point here is not to write about myself, I must return to my topic. According to Freire, oppression is grounded in dehumanization. Seeing one's self as less than human is the ground work that must take place for all parties involved to agree to the situation of being oppressed. With that in mind, upon looking at the stereotypes that people of the African diaspora live with on a daily basis, it only makes sense that some would seek to be viewed on a higher level of humanity.
After all, most of the times when we leave a relationship behind, it is about the denial of one's own humanity. When you begin to realize that one is being treated in a dehumanizing way, that is when one begins to look for the exit door to the situation. I would further argue, that those who remain in dehumanizing situations do so because they are not able to fully embrace or affirm their own humanity. This is also the same reason that an individual who treats a person of a different race better than they would consider someone of their own race as deserving to be treated. Somewhere in their mind, they realize the need to elevate their own sense of humanity, but at the same time, they are still willing to deny another person the same need to be appreciated beyond the status of sub-human.
When I was younger, I would always hear people talk about the people, back then it was mostly men, who chose to date outside of their race, as attempting to 'to socially upgrade'. But at this point in my life, I would argue that it is an attempt to be viewed as one who has done more than evolved, but who has faced the challenges of the psyche to embrace one's own humanity. It is the refusal to be seen as anything less than human. It is the denial to accept the oppressive forces of being dehumanized. It is the internal self awareness to see one's self as deserving all that is humanly possible in life and love.
So, you might ask, is inter-racial dating necessary for all of that? No, but for some people, it is the manifestation of their internal awareness that they need to be view as fully human with all of the life and breath that comes from living as one who is free to exist instead of one who has to ask the world to pardon their being in the world. It is un-apologetic about the right to have the life and companionship of a fellow HUMAN-being regardless of the outer skin. It is so much more than just the meshing of cultural differences, it is about the embracing of all that it means to live and love and to do so regardless of race or ethnic background.
Those who oppose inter-racial relationships do so because they see one of the races involved as less deserving of what the other race has to offer. And they protest the infiltration into their own race for fear that it will dehumanize by association. It is the struggle to continue to oppression of others by way of feeling oppressed in one's own being.
Lastly, I would argue, that when one fully becomes aware of who they are attracted to and why, then it will never be a struggle to embrace one's own humanity, and therefore the individual can be free to love based on the connections of the human spirit and not just because of the outward skin.
Relationships are about embracing the humanity of each other with mutual respect and admiration. Relationships are about BEING human together and to each other. Love is about acceptance- as is- but with the growing potential to become better together. When your ambitions within the relationship fully manifest the humanity of the other person, then both individuals can find the freedom to love. And love definitely transcends race, creed or national origin.
What caused my further understanding has been a reflective re-reading of "Pedagogy of the Oppressed" by Paulo Freire. Amazingly this book dissects some basic experiences in terms of their affect on the psychological thought process of a person. So by taking the concepts presented in this book and framing my understanding of why inter-racial relationships are important for so many in this day and age. I get it.
As a 'free spirit' who does not look kindly on attempts to further oppress me, I now understand all the more the reasons why I have never been that interested in inter-racial dating as a choice for myself. I guess I could slightly correct that statement, depending on what you consider inter-racial, since I have dated persons other than African American. Anyone who knows me personally will affirm that I am truly my own person. That is not to say that I have not had my own battles with being oppressed because I have, and on so many levels. But at this point in my life, I am enjoying the freedom to embrace who I am, both internally and externally. And in some ways, I realize that I am still working to define my own humanity in this world that sets limitations on individuals not only on the basis of race, but also based on gender.
Ok, so since my point here is not to write about myself, I must return to my topic. According to Freire, oppression is grounded in dehumanization. Seeing one's self as less than human is the ground work that must take place for all parties involved to agree to the situation of being oppressed. With that in mind, upon looking at the stereotypes that people of the African diaspora live with on a daily basis, it only makes sense that some would seek to be viewed on a higher level of humanity.
After all, most of the times when we leave a relationship behind, it is about the denial of one's own humanity. When you begin to realize that one is being treated in a dehumanizing way, that is when one begins to look for the exit door to the situation. I would further argue, that those who remain in dehumanizing situations do so because they are not able to fully embrace or affirm their own humanity. This is also the same reason that an individual who treats a person of a different race better than they would consider someone of their own race as deserving to be treated. Somewhere in their mind, they realize the need to elevate their own sense of humanity, but at the same time, they are still willing to deny another person the same need to be appreciated beyond the status of sub-human.
When I was younger, I would always hear people talk about the people, back then it was mostly men, who chose to date outside of their race, as attempting to 'to socially upgrade'. But at this point in my life, I would argue that it is an attempt to be viewed as one who has done more than evolved, but who has faced the challenges of the psyche to embrace one's own humanity. It is the refusal to be seen as anything less than human. It is the denial to accept the oppressive forces of being dehumanized. It is the internal self awareness to see one's self as deserving all that is humanly possible in life and love.
So, you might ask, is inter-racial dating necessary for all of that? No, but for some people, it is the manifestation of their internal awareness that they need to be view as fully human with all of the life and breath that comes from living as one who is free to exist instead of one who has to ask the world to pardon their being in the world. It is un-apologetic about the right to have the life and companionship of a fellow HUMAN-being regardless of the outer skin. It is so much more than just the meshing of cultural differences, it is about the embracing of all that it means to live and love and to do so regardless of race or ethnic background.
Those who oppose inter-racial relationships do so because they see one of the races involved as less deserving of what the other race has to offer. And they protest the infiltration into their own race for fear that it will dehumanize by association. It is the struggle to continue to oppression of others by way of feeling oppressed in one's own being.
Lastly, I would argue, that when one fully becomes aware of who they are attracted to and why, then it will never be a struggle to embrace one's own humanity, and therefore the individual can be free to love based on the connections of the human spirit and not just because of the outward skin.
Relationships are about embracing the humanity of each other with mutual respect and admiration. Relationships are about BEING human together and to each other. Love is about acceptance- as is- but with the growing potential to become better together. When your ambitions within the relationship fully manifest the humanity of the other person, then both individuals can find the freedom to love. And love definitely transcends race, creed or national origin.
September 29, 2010
Stand By Your Man - pt. 2
As the story unfolds in the media, I wonder if we are thinking with a heart of empathy. I say that because there are some concerns that I have about this woman who is standing by her man publicly.
Many of us would take the stance that it is not our business or that she knows what kind of man she has, but what about the part of the story that is not being told? What about the fact that the media is missing? Are we helpless to respond?
I bring these questions because there are many reasons why a woman stands by her man during scandal or even difficult times. Many times it is from years of being manipulated or abused (physically and/or psychologically). Many times it is because the woman thinks that it is the good Christian thing to do.....to silently pray for the situation and endure. Technorati Tags: Abuse, Emotions, Humanity, Marriage, EthicsWe dont know what Ms.Long has to deal with, but can be concerned that she may be silently crying out for help.
At first, I wondered how she could stand by her husband in the midst of the accusations. But when I saw the clip of the press conference, I thought of her standing by her man as a wife should. The more I thought about it, the more I thought about the pressure that must be on her to not betray this beloved leader in this time of crisis. I cant help but wonder if this has been the pressure that has caused her to turn her head in silence or to be so depressed herself that she was unable to be anything other than powerless to respond.
So many times, we see the public face and have no idea what a person is really living with in their own home. We have become so materialistic that we think of things in terms of monetary value, but many times we forget to investigate the real issues that are present with humanity.
The truth is that manipulative people manipulate. The wife would not be exempt from such manipulation. Abusers abuse and the wife would not be exempt from abuse. Even though it may have manifested in very different ways in the marriage, it is hard for me to believe that she is not a victim in some way. I may not be able to name it or to prove it, but she is hurting from this entire situation more than any of us will ever know.
Is she standing by her man because she loves him so much that she is determined to be there? Is she being forced or does she feel forced to stand by her husband for fear of creating enemies of church members who have their hearts fixed on believing that he is innocent? Is she just waiting for this to pass before she responds to this issue in their marriage? Is she another helpless victim of his behavior?
There are so many reasons why a woman stands by her man. Many of those reasons are honorable, but many of them are the result of psychological trauma, depression, fear....and the list can go on.
In the midst of it all, I would hope that there are those who are able to reach out to her and help her to find her way through this situation with a prayerful heart and the healing that will help her do what is best. After all, the marriage is a sacred covenant that is not be taken lightly, but every human being has a right to live in peace and safety. For whatever reason Ms. Long is standing by her man, I pray that she is able to find healing and restoration in her soul.
Many of us would take the stance that it is not our business or that she knows what kind of man she has, but what about the part of the story that is not being told? What about the fact that the media is missing? Are we helpless to respond?
I bring these questions because there are many reasons why a woman stands by her man during scandal or even difficult times. Many times it is from years of being manipulated or abused (physically and/or psychologically). Many times it is because the woman thinks that it is the good Christian thing to do.....to silently pray for the situation and endure. Technorati Tags: Abuse, Emotions, Humanity, Marriage, EthicsWe dont know what Ms.Long has to deal with, but can be concerned that she may be silently crying out for help.
At first, I wondered how she could stand by her husband in the midst of the accusations. But when I saw the clip of the press conference, I thought of her standing by her man as a wife should. The more I thought about it, the more I thought about the pressure that must be on her to not betray this beloved leader in this time of crisis. I cant help but wonder if this has been the pressure that has caused her to turn her head in silence or to be so depressed herself that she was unable to be anything other than powerless to respond.
So many times, we see the public face and have no idea what a person is really living with in their own home. We have become so materialistic that we think of things in terms of monetary value, but many times we forget to investigate the real issues that are present with humanity.
The truth is that manipulative people manipulate. The wife would not be exempt from such manipulation. Abusers abuse and the wife would not be exempt from abuse. Even though it may have manifested in very different ways in the marriage, it is hard for me to believe that she is not a victim in some way. I may not be able to name it or to prove it, but she is hurting from this entire situation more than any of us will ever know.
Is she standing by her man because she loves him so much that she is determined to be there? Is she being forced or does she feel forced to stand by her husband for fear of creating enemies of church members who have their hearts fixed on believing that he is innocent? Is she just waiting for this to pass before she responds to this issue in their marriage? Is she another helpless victim of his behavior?
There are so many reasons why a woman stands by her man. Many of those reasons are honorable, but many of them are the result of psychological trauma, depression, fear....and the list can go on.
In the midst of it all, I would hope that there are those who are able to reach out to her and help her to find her way through this situation with a prayerful heart and the healing that will help her do what is best. After all, the marriage is a sacred covenant that is not be taken lightly, but every human being has a right to live in peace and safety. For whatever reason Ms. Long is standing by her man, I pray that she is able to find healing and restoration in her soul.
October 3, 2008
My Own Audacity
I cant help but to see something bigger and more significant to me in this years Presidential Candidate and Potential First Lady. Don’t get me wrong, the thought of having this country’s first president who is truly African and American, is beyond huge in its significance to me and to history.
But I cant help but to take a more narcissistic thought process to task when it comes to Barack and Michelle Obama. There is something more happening than the political. It is on such a large scale the world’s first glimpse into Black Love.. This Bonny and Clyde dedication to sharing a life together that brings about an affinity towards each other that can be, not only seen, but felt just from looking at a picture of them standing together.
Sure we have seen Beyonce and Jay-z, as the one’s who brought this Bonny and Clyde concept to modern popular culture to express their thoughts towards each other…. and there are other African American couples that have endured the test of time, such as Bill and Camille Cosby, whose brand of endurance is not as outspoken – or viewed as publicly. That is my point, popular culture has been a louder voice, and especially in the African American Community than that of the well educated who are also a part of this ethnic identity and story of American potential.
The Obamas’ represent the other side of African American culture and family life that is not often shared with the mainstream of society. The other thing is that this kind of dedication toward each other seems to have become an image from another generation, but now I am able to see that covenant relationship is possible for my generation. “True Devotion” is not a thing of the past, it is possible in the here and now.
This is why I now have the audacity to find more hope for my own life. For so many years I have felt like I had traded becoming educated for the possibility to have a life long companion. In the African American community it seems quite hard to make those two things a match. (I can only speak from my perspective, it might be the same amongst other cultural backgrounds and ethnicities too, I just cant speak to their experience). The more academic and career oriented a woman is, the less likely she is to be in a long term committed relationship. And most of the women who are, got into the relationship before they really went full force into their ambition. Michelle Obama’s story lets me know the two (career and love) can co-exist.
The next element is that the more progress a woman makes, the less often she comes into contact with a man of similar interest and lifestyle, just because they are not present that often in the same circles. So a lot of factors come into play, proximity being high on the list, as to why my hopes dimmed over the years, but now, if no more than vicariously, I find hope for my own situation in looking at the example being set by Barack and Michelle Obama.
Positive Black Love Still Exist!!!!!!!!!!!
I am glad to know that my theory had been wrong. Because she even made more money than him, and that didn’t keep her from standing by her man and supporting and encouraging him to be the best of his own potential. When you look at them, you can see not only the obvious aspects of their success, but an ability to survive the untold dilemmas that those outside of this ethnic group don’t completely comprehend as part of the African American story.
Regardless to the outcome of this election –the Obama’s have left with me the courage to continue to have “the audacity to hope”.
But I cant help but to take a more narcissistic thought process to task when it comes to Barack and Michelle Obama. There is something more happening than the political. It is on such a large scale the world’s first glimpse into Black Love.. This Bonny and Clyde dedication to sharing a life together that brings about an affinity towards each other that can be, not only seen, but felt just from looking at a picture of them standing together.
Sure we have seen Beyonce and Jay-z, as the one’s who brought this Bonny and Clyde concept to modern popular culture to express their thoughts towards each other…. and there are other African American couples that have endured the test of time, such as Bill and Camille Cosby, whose brand of endurance is not as outspoken – or viewed as publicly. That is my point, popular culture has been a louder voice, and especially in the African American Community than that of the well educated who are also a part of this ethnic identity and story of American potential.
The Obamas’ represent the other side of African American culture and family life that is not often shared with the mainstream of society. The other thing is that this kind of dedication toward each other seems to have become an image from another generation, but now I am able to see that covenant relationship is possible for my generation. “True Devotion” is not a thing of the past, it is possible in the here and now.
This is why I now have the audacity to find more hope for my own life. For so many years I have felt like I had traded becoming educated for the possibility to have a life long companion. In the African American community it seems quite hard to make those two things a match. (I can only speak from my perspective, it might be the same amongst other cultural backgrounds and ethnicities too, I just cant speak to their experience). The more academic and career oriented a woman is, the less likely she is to be in a long term committed relationship. And most of the women who are, got into the relationship before they really went full force into their ambition. Michelle Obama’s story lets me know the two (career and love) can co-exist.
The next element is that the more progress a woman makes, the less often she comes into contact with a man of similar interest and lifestyle, just because they are not present that often in the same circles. So a lot of factors come into play, proximity being high on the list, as to why my hopes dimmed over the years, but now, if no more than vicariously, I find hope for my own situation in looking at the example being set by Barack and Michelle Obama.
Positive Black Love Still Exist!!!!!!!!!!!
I am glad to know that my theory had been wrong. Because she even made more money than him, and that didn’t keep her from standing by her man and supporting and encouraging him to be the best of his own potential. When you look at them, you can see not only the obvious aspects of their success, but an ability to survive the untold dilemmas that those outside of this ethnic group don’t completely comprehend as part of the African American story.
Regardless to the outcome of this election –the Obama’s have left with me the courage to continue to have “the audacity to hope”.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)