Neuter, Neutral and Annoying

WARNING- I am on my soapbox. I have some things on my mind and I am venting.

There was a day and time when there were some clear and unshakeable boundaries of gender roles. But as time has progressed these boundaries shifted and moved, and now have almost become unclear to determine. I am annoyed, first off, that someone spoke for me to accomplish their own agenda. And secondly that I have to be punished for someone else’s intentions and agenda.

I think femininity is a wonderful and beautiful gift from God. I like being a woman. This morning I was already frustrated about some things related to people not keeping their word, and not being dependable, when I realized that the tires on my car were low on air. So I stopped at the gas station to air up the tires. I noticed several men getting gas, who never even glanced in my direction. I proceed to get into this squatting position so that I could comfortably maintain the position as I checked the pressure on the tires and added air. I thought to myself that it was a good thing that I didn’t have on a skirt because there is no way to reach the tires and not do something that is inappropriate while wearing a skirt. I thought to myself that these kinds of dilemmas are part of the reasons that I rarely wear skirts and dresses. I love wearing skirts, it is actually my personal preference.

I don’t want to have to see about the air in the tires. But necessity dictates differently. I don’t want to have to figure out the psi….. I don’t even know what this acronym stands for, but I have to worry myself with these things--- and why?

There are plenty of things that I have no desire to do- construction, mechanics, etc. There are certain things that I have in my mind to be more fitting for men to do, and that I believe that men do better than women. Now to those women that want to construction or landscaping—God speed--- but I don’t want to. I would prefer to cook any day.

These hazy boundaries annoy me because they are not by my choosing. I am a victim of a societal mindset that says we are all equal in ability. This is not true. There are plenty of couch potatoes that will not be the star quarterback. Even among other athletes, every one has strengths and weaknesses. It is natural. It is the same reason why the lion is considered the “king of the jungle”. Every species doesn’t serve the same purpose. So it is with the genders of humanity. Men and Women serve different purposes. This is not about lack of equality, but about contrasting and yet complementary characteristics.

If we put forth this agenda that we are all the same, then it leads to what we have now, and that is a lack of appreciation for the contrast. I don’t want a man go with me to pick out nail polish for my pedicure… watch the game, go fishing, change oil in the car or something… and just notice and compliment my pedicure after the fact. I don’t want a man to function like a girlfriend. Nor am I extremely excited about exchanging recipes with a man. If a man can cook that is a good thing, nice quality and all, but I am not giving a man as many points for cooking as for building a bookshelf. A man gets more points for getting his hands dirty, building, fixing, or assembling than for interior decorating.

There are plenty of things that both men and women can do equally as well, that is not what I am saying, but some things I don’t want to do. I don’t understand these men that are afraid to get their hands dirty. I do believe in equal pay for equal work, but I don’t understand why women want to do some of the kinds of work that in my mind seem to be task for fitting for a man.

One of the things that I miss about living in Georgia, was the ability to appreciate the southern gentleman. There is nothing better than a man who enjoys being a hero. It is the little things, like being in the company of a man whose nature it to open doors for a woman or to walk on the outside of the sidewalk or who would see a woman needing air in her tires and offering to be of assistance. There is something to be appreciated and admired about a man who enjoys his own manhood. If he enjoys his own manhood, then he sets a woman up in such a way that she cant help but to enjoy her own womanhood--- without the burden of trying to accomplish things better left to a man. -----It brings to mind the song “ Treat her like a lady” --- the singer boast “now I like opening doors, picking up her hanky of the floor…..”.

I cringe at what I am seeing in society that presents this neutral approach to assigning identity. Yes women can do more than bake cookies, but I don’t get for the life of me, why a woman would want to run a country. She might be able to do the task, but why would she want to? That is what I don’t get. There is nothing degrading in my mind about letting men be in leadership. It is the mis-use of authority that makes things problematic- and that is whether it is a man or a woman.

To attempt to do man things detracts from the admiration due femininity. And to be fair and equal, I must state that for a man to attempt to do woman things detracts from the admiration due masculinity.

Somewhere in this everything is ok for everybody - you get what was recently in the media- where a man is pregnant--- but once you find out details of how this is possible you learn that it is a man who was once a woman but decided that she wanted to become a man, but kept the woman parts so that she, as a he, could still give birth to a child. How confusing. This is just the product of this neutralized social thought about gender identity. I cant help but to see this as confusion. How confusing is this approach? Is there something other than confusing that this can be labeled as? Or is it just inappropriate to give it a label at all? If that is the case, then what is threatening about the label?

Masculinity is not determined by promiscuity, nor is femininity. These men who think because they have more than one woman that they are manly are dealing with an identity crisis that has lead them to attempting to prove their self worth by seeking acceptance on a level the denies then the opportunity to enjoy really being an expression of their own masculine nature. Masculinity is about more than sexuality. Femininity is about more than sexuality. The number of sexual partners one has is not indicative of one’s gender identity. I say that so that it can be clear that what I am discussing is not about sexual prowess. Media has boxed in the understanding of gender to a sexual diversion that lead both men and women away from the responsible use of one’s gender identity and its potential to be appreciated by others.

Feminine and masculine are labels. But they are also a resource for self identity and pride, just as much as ethnic identity. Trying to promote this everybody is equal concept, in my opinion, is why there is such a low percentage of marriages and successful marriages in this country. Neutrality leads to lack of appreciation and lack of appreciation leads to more disconnectedness. If there is no system, things get out of order, out of order leads to chaos. Socially things are looking chaotic. But this chaos has been so gradual in its onset that it has gone unnoticed and appears to be normal. And normal is always relative.

I look at examples of successful marriages, and there seemed to be some set understandings of what each brought to the table. I believe this is missing today. Both the man and the woman want to be the bread winner. Women don’t want to give birth to children for the sake of their career. Or if they have children they have to rush back to work to keep the job- which is an economic necessity. Women don’t want to cook and clean house. Men don’t want the responsibility of providing for a family. So the house is dirty, the children eat fast food and everybody is obese with allergies and a specialist has to be paid to fix everything because nobody wants to get their hands dirty.

“God is not the author of confusion”----and from where we stand now, what is the way to bring things to a more settled and orderly function? I definitely don’t have the answer, but what I am observing is a problem that needs of adjusting.

Where have all the heroes gone?