There are times when the most loving thing you can do is to take a hands off approach. It is hard because the loving thing to do seems to be to support and guide and cheer. But when a person has a stubborn and disobedient will, you cant do anything but allow them to learn the hard way.
Being that our culture is no longer as accountable as during biblical times, many people now do not understand nor respect the concept of having a sense of accountability to your community, especially the community of faith. For example during biblical times when something was considered a sin as unto death, this meant that you could actually be literally stoned to death. The offense was not only about the sin of the individual, but a reflection on the community as a whole, and therefore the community was within its right to respond. Currently our culture has gone the complete other end of the spectrum, which means that we turn a blind eye to the wrong of others. Although I do think stoning is extremely harsh, I do believe that there is a place and purpose for a community, especially a community of faith, holding its members accountable for certain principles and behaviors. ( Here I must insert a note: I dont believe that 'putting people out of the church' is the correct response. As a matter of fact, I think that is just as harsh as stoning.)
Taking a hands off approach can look a lot of different ways, depending on the situation. This is very hard to do when you know that the person knows better and should be doing better. But the 'master of deception' does a good job at convincing the mind of the individual that there are other solutions other than doing things God's way, according to Biblical Principles. That is exactly the success story of deception from the very beginning, to convince one that there are ways to get better outcomes than to be obedient to God's Principles.
The question might be asked, why would you want to negotiate with God? Why would you want anything thing other than God's Will for you? And what do you really gain when you 'seemingly' win the negotiation with God? Does getting your way instead of God's Will really turn out to be a win-win in the long run.... now or eternally?
The ripple effect of disobedience only leads to more and more disobedience, as one attempts to find ways to navigate making the disobedience seem like it is going to turn out alright. And before long there is a snowball affect of multiple acts of disobedience. And the disobedience leads to a house of mirrors of deception, eventually make the truth sound harsh and unreal. As long as the individual is trying to sort out ways to make the wrong turn into a success, you cant reason with them about their thoughts or actions.
Here is where loving is hard. Letting go. Backing off. This is also when you stop praying for God to cushion the blows that sin and disobedience are causing the person. This is when you realize that God is allowing the individual to truly see what getting their way means. God is not going to be manipulated. But God will let one have their way, and all that comes with it. Being determined to be out of the Will of God, means being determined to deal with not having God's Covering or Guidance, as if saying to God that one wants God to take a Hands Off approach to one's life.
Think about it, if someone wants God to take a 'hands off' approach, then why would the same individual want someone to have a 'hands on' approach other than to support the deception? Being a support to others, often times means that you have to back away and God can allow the person to see where their way is taking their life. After all you cant become party to the wrong, or you too will find yourself slipping into darkness, and deception.
Because here is the deal, deception loves darkness, hidden agenda, under the table negotiations and secrets. One of the greatest clues that something is not according to God's Will is if it has to be kept secret or hidden. I dont mean privacy, privacy is the right to keep things to yourself or away from the public. But shame and guilt are built around those things that would not be justified as having a right motive from the start.
So why back off, other than self preservation? I will give you an example of when my son was a toddler. I kept saying to him hold on, dont fall down the steps. I was doing what I thought was the loving thing to do by coddling his every move. But one day a friend said to me, that he is a boy and he learns by understanding, and he wont understand until he sees for himself. This was the most profound thing that was said to me about raising a son.
One day, I got up the courage to let him figure it out for himself. I was cautious to make sure that his fall was a little one and not a major one, but I had to let him navigate a few lower steps on his own, his way, without holding on. And as truth would be revealed to him, he flopped down a couple of steps and then looked at me as if to say what happened. The hundreds of times that I had attempted to get this message across to him, now he figured it out because he realized that he didnt like his own outcome.
This examples may seem simplistic, but from that day on, I never had to negotiate or even mention to my son that he needed to hold on while walking down the steps. Grabbing the railing became unspoken second nature. And so it can be with someone who wants to try their hand at being blatantly and boldly disobedient to God's Principles. The only thing you can do after attempting to coach and encourage is allow the individual to learn the hard way. Some times the fall, the hitting bottom is what it will take to help the person know that they dont want to do it that way again.
This is when repentance is true. True repentance is when one is no longer trying to make the disobedience work, but is willing to drop all wrong and turn with intention to do what is right with a no looking back mindset. It is the determination to be redeemed. This is when the individual can stand before God with a sincere heart and say 'Lord, please take me back'.
Now the mindset has completely changed from negotiation with God to complete surrender to God. Until the individual is willing to surrender, there will be a constant attempt to negotiate for good outcomes from disobedient actions and motives. But once the individual surrenders and truly acknowledges their need for the Savior, then God can guide and send others to guide and support the individual getting back in step with the Will of God both spiritually and naturally.
No comments:
Post a Comment