CONVICTION

Sin is an addiction. The causes and affects are both spiritual and natural. Just like any other addiction, the addict feels justified because of their inability to believe that life could be better without the sin.  For the person who is entangled in sin, it is the sin that they feel like makes one feel alive. The person can not imagine feeling more alive by a life without sin.  This is what gives the sinner the joy of sinning, the urge to sin, and the sense of normalcy while living out their favorite sin or sins.

Just like any other type of addiction, the individual can change, can give up the addiction and live a life of normal activity that may actually include the chosen thing or behavior, but in a different context.  The amazing thing about sin and sinful nature is that it is caused by a distortion of thought and a distortion of the context. Most sins are taking something that is a normal healthy behavior and causing it to have more control over the individual than the individual has over one's self.  Sin at its core is a lack of self control that is guided toward what is outside of the Will of God.

Let's take Gluttony for example. I will not describe it because, depending on the individual, it can take on many forms of manifestation in one's life---- for this reason I will simply note the reference 1 John 2 and what is referred to as 'pride of life'.  In this way, it can be said that sin is selfish, having little to no regard for others or how one's behavior or mindset affects others. In other words, having the same characteristics of any other addiction. I wont bore with talk of dopamine and neurotransmitters. But just like any other addiction, science has shown that the chemicals in the brain are released that make the individual feel like there is reward in fulfilling craved addiction.  This is what makes the sin seem like a thrill, and makes the person feel alive.  The problem is that the feeling wears off, and this make the need for the behavior to become repetitive/a cycle, in other words, a sinful lifestyle.

One's way of thinking has to be distorted to justify the sin.  This is why you can point out the sin to the individual without the person ever giving any real thought or consideration to your words or the option to change.  We all want to believe that human beings can self regulate and make some basic auto-adjustments, but when it comes to sin and immorality for real change to take place the person has to be convicted.

The legal system has given us a very different understanding of conviction than that which is actually true from a spiritual perspective. In the court system the individual is tried by a jury of their peers. In this way, the burden is on proving to the jurors enough evidence to make a decision about the individual's guilt or innocence. This is why people who are in a sinful lifestyle can engage the conversation about their sin, because they are waiting for someone to convince them that what they are thinking or doing is wrong. And this is also when you will hear someone say, 'you cant make me feel guilty', letting you know that the individual is untouched by your defense of what is right.  This is also the reason why, if we are not careful, we as Christians can spend a lot of time and energy trying to convince someone to give up one's sin, in hopes that something that we say might be just what is needed to convince the person to see their ways and make the necessary changes on their own.

The individual can not even hear or give any validity to what is being said to them until they have found God. Until then the ways of thinking are distorted in favor of the sin. To spiritually auto-correct is not possible, as much as we would want for the person to auto-correct, change cant not happen until there is pneuma experience. If the individual could change on their own, then that would imply that the person could be self saving, which goes completely against the Christian understanding of conversion and salvation.   But when the individual has a moment of clarity that can only come from an experience with the Holy Spirit of God, there is an awareness of one's ideas and behaviors as God sees them.

This is the reason why we keep telling the Truth of God to individuals who brush it off or just dont want to do what is right. This is the Great Commission (Matthew 28), and this is what motivates the preacher to continue to preach.

Conviction, in the context of Christianity,  is when the individual, internally, is convinced that self is guilty of sin. Then the individual is able to hear the evidence as presented according to God's true knowledge of the details, which brings about the desire to change. This change is to completely turn away from the sinful nature, through repentance.   True repentance (action of change) can not happen until the person has been convicted (found self guilty), and makes an intelligent decision to completely surrender to God and be converted (persuaded to change).

Change is possible. Sinners can give up sin. This belief is at the core of Christianity because Christianity is build around the understanding of Salvation. And Christian salvation requires Jesus Christ. To accept Jesus Christ is to admit to God that there is a need that is bigger than self and what one can do or provide for one's self.  It is this reliance that gives the Christian the strength to live a life that is not controlled by the addiction of sin.  It is to be humbled, to let go of the pride of life. It is to realize that one needs God more than the sin. It is to realize that God is the giver of life, and makes one not just feel alive briefly, but to live truly alive with New Life that spans eternity.

As a little girl, I can remember people literally walking in off the street and proclaiming with a loud voice that they wanted to be saved. Often times this would happen during the altar call, when the preacher would say, 'if your soul should be required of you today, this very hour, would you be ready to answer the call?'

Someone walking down the street could hear what was going on inside, but this day something happened that had never happened before.  Many of them had walked by the church often because it was in their neighborhood, but when blinders were removed  and the soul was willing to hear what God had been saying, the individual became aware of their guilt of sin and wanted to change, wanted to be free from the thing that had control over their life. The individual was able to see that the feeling of being alive that they were experiencing by being controlled by their sin was no longer as appealing as the search to find out what it was really like to be free from the bondage of sin and know truly what it was like to be alive, to be born again, given a new life in Jesus Christ.

Parts and Divides

This past weekend something came to my mind that I really hadnt thought much about in years.  It was a very hurtful and devastating phase of my life.  It doesnt take up much space in my thoughts because it is in the past; and God got me through the situation  and beyond the situation.

But today, as I reflect, I think about how faithful God was to me in the midst of a great trying time in my life. Against all odds, God provided for me as a single mother. There were times and challenges, and there still are, but through it all God has been faithful.  My testimony is a very amazing one. It causes me to stand in awe of how great God truly has been to me.  It has given me such a grateful heart.  It has also shown me how to be ok with and without over the years.

Just thinking about how badly things could have gone for me is enough to make what I survived even more amazing.  God's hand of protection was with me through some things that seem to be more dramatic than anything in a movie plot. But sometimes reality is more extreme than anything a movie writer can formulate for the big screen.

Even some of the things that I am currently dealing with fall under the category of 'troubled on every side, yet not distressed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed.'  Adversaries thought I would be destroyed, but what they found out was that God has created me to be formidable.  Storms have been brewing all around me and God has given me so much grace that I am watching it all take place as if I have a great seat in a theater in the round.

When I think about  the characteristics of God, I have to remember that along with being a Creator and Sustainer, God is also a Divider and a Separator.   Initially these may seem to be negatives, but when we read God's Word, we see in the the very beginning of creation God divided light from darkness.  This can lead to a plethora of theological and homiletic themes.  Much of the biblical text carries out this theme of separation that God makes dividing lines, if you will.

The parting of the Red Sea is talked about in terms of its miracle quality, but we must not forget the logistical components of God being able to divide.  This is proof that God can part or separate anything that God so desires.  This kind of divide meant that not only did the water divide, but every creature and composition within the ecological environment of the sea.  What was created by God, must submit to God's command.  What an awesome thought. What a humbling thought.

Whatever the situation, all that is needed is for God to speak.  God clearly makes distinctions at times to accomplish the Will and Purpose of God.  It may be temporary and it may be permanent. But it is God's pleasure that the creation must obey.  This has been true in many of the fine details of my life. I thank God for keeping me separated from foolishness. God has done some things that can only be credited to the ONE, the TRUE,  and LIVING GOD.

Sea of Forgetfulness

As I attempted to settle down for the night, I thought about all that has been going on with me lately.  And to be completely honest, this thought process includes some people that I truly wish I had never met.  In the midst of my thought process, I had to face the fact that I cant just un-know these people. Instead, I have to figure out how to move on from this phase to the next, and hopefully just move on to what is ahead for me in my life, both naturally and spiritually.

This doesnt mean that I was not trying to figure out the most perfect solution to the hurt and disappointment that has been the effect of betrayal and disloyalty. In my mind, I really wanted there to be a way to truly just forget that I ever knew these people that have had this negative impact on my attempt to be a friend. I thought if there were really a way for me to put all knowledge of these people into the sea of forgetfulness and never to remember that I ever met them at all.

The more I thought about it, I began to realize that this is not very different from what is being talked about in Micah 7.  We always want to use the concept of the Sea of Forgetfulness as this wonderful blessing that we get from God. Which is true. ... and here comes the conjunction...... BUT.

But what we dont want to face is the fact that something is going on in the text that we must make not of.  The attitudes and behaviors that God expected from the People of God were not how the people were living.  God had high expectations and high hopes for the People of God.  That is still true today. God has high hope and high expectations of God's People.  So when the behaviors of the individual, of the community of faith fall short, God is disappointed.  Then there is  something worse than just disappointing God, it is disgusting God. 

Abomination is much more than disappointing God, it is being completely disgusting to God.   As I thought about how disgusted I am with those who have disappointed me, I also had to think about how God views abomination.  How is God able to tolerate dealing with a human who is living so far below God's expectations?   I had to search out a way to understand that what God has to do is just put the sins of humanity into a place to be forgotten so that God can remain able to be available to humanity.

It is the mercy of God.  It is the patience of God when God's patience has run out. It is God wanting to stay in relationship with the People of God, even though the people have lost sight of the value of the relationship with God.  The kindness of God reaches much farther than we realize. God is so willing to forgive us of our sins.  When we dont even try to do right, knowing that God is watching, we are disappointing God, and we are disgusting God. 

So more than bragging about how God will forgive and forget, the more important concern should be why would we want to be such a disappointment to God that we disgust God?  What if we just decided to live right, so that we could be intentional about pleasing God?

After all, isnt that what being given another chance is about?

Unplanned PLAN

There are clearly some things that were not in my plans for my life, but they were ultimately part of God's Plan for my life. Today I have really been giving some thought to my journey. Recently, it would seem that things are going exactly the way that I was trying to prevent having to deal with.  I want the final outcome, but not the challenges that would be the risk of losing something to gain something. Not in the same way that I invest in products for my business to be able to provide a service to my clients. But more like a mother who wants to have a new baby, but does not want to feel the pains of labor.

In recent years, there have been medical advances that have taken away the necessity of enduring the pain of labor. And overall, our world is filled with comforts that take the work out of many of the every day processes of life. Washing machines, electric saws, power tools, and on and on. I think back to learning how to make cake icing, and the process required this combination of mixing and whisking to blend the ingredients, and even after they were blended, you had to whisk the mixture at least 100 strokes to make the icing have the correct fluffy texture. And even now that I have many of the electric kitchen tools, there are some things that to me just dont come out the same without the work of doing it by hand, and icing is one of those things. 

So we have become so accustomed to the world of convenience that we often forget that some things have no shortcut process that will produce the same results as going through the process. Just like icing or grilling meat low and slow over charcoal, there are some things in life that have to happen a certain way for the most rewarding outcome. And as I was thinking about the events of my life in recent days, I began to reminisce on the book by Zora Neale Hurston, "Their Eyes Were Watching God" which is about a main character who is living her life, but surrounded by spectators who all have an opinion about her life, as if they understand her journey more so than she. The character navigates her life, its ups and downs working through the challenges as they come to her reality, as she is finding her way. 

In this same way, each of us has our journey through life to navigate and it is very much an individual process that happens while simultaneously being surround by community. When someone has a call to ministry on their life, it can be assumed that God has a plan for that person's life.  No matter how much anyone has an opinion about what that looks like, it is God who is taking care of the details. To grow to the point of being able to flourish in one's gifts and live out one's calling, there are some parts of the journey that are growing one's skills for ministry.  This means that it will not always flow with the ease of water going down hill. There will be times when one will have to face some things head on and take the challenge to grow, if one is really surrendered to the point of allowing God to be in control of what is ultimately God's Will for one's life in ministry. 

From point A to point B, is not always clear, there will be times when one will have to whole-heartedly trust God for the details to work out as planned by God, not by our idea of how things should go.  I have been asking God to show me how to get to point B without the discomfort of the middle part of the process. The discomfort is part of the journey, it is what make the reward worth the effort.  Just like a track runner who wants to be the fasted, it cant happen sitting in the stands, but it happens by learning everything necessary to sharpen one's natural ability and from running until time gets better. 

The challenges we face in life are not always ideal, nor comfortable to go through, but when you want the outcome badly enough, you decide to face the challenge head on and take the bad with the good, because it will be worth it all in the end.  Today, I decided that I am up for challenge of facing the discomfort that will only have to be endure for a short time to get what I ultimately want to see manifested in my life. The discomfort cant be avoided, it is part of the path that leads me right to where God is taking me. 

Psalms 23:4 - "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."

It is not actual death, it is just a shadow and shadows only produce fear when you  dont know what it is a shadow of or from what source.   Since I know that it has been my own fear, I can ignore the shadow.  I will continue on toward what God has for me. I want God's best for my life because it will be worth the challenges along to way and shadows let me know that God's Light is what is real. 

Insomnia

It is 1:30am and I cant sleep.

I have so many thought in my mind right now.  I spend so much of my prayer life interceding for the needs of others that I often forget to really spend time praying about the things that I need in my own life.

And this is why being awake right now is so frustrating to me. Usually when I wake up in the middle of the night, I pray for the people and the situations that have been on my mind during the day or that come to my mind when I wake up. But when I woke up this time, my mind was flooded with thoughts of things that I need in my own life.

In the clinical world of providing services to others, there is an emphasis on self care. It is the understanding that you cant give to others if you not keeping yourself in a good place mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  The most basic example of this would be to think about the speech that they give you on the airplane about what to do in case of emergency. The instructions are to give yourself oxogen first, then share the oxogen with those around you. In this way, you are more capable when you have what you need.

And this would be the sum total of why I am awake in the middle of the night. I am being forced to face the truth of my own life. I have spent the last few years frustrated with myself because I know that I am not reaching my fullest potential, nor am I achieving at the rate that I should have been. And like a perfect storm of reality checks, it is clear to me that I am not getting what I need to flourish. I have just been existing and trying to function as if it has been sufficient and it has not been and the state of my life is proof of that fact.

So now, I am awake creating an order of importance for the things that I need to do for my self, for my own life. There are some voids in my own life that I need to give some attention to so that I can be nourished  and therefore function at a higher level of efficiency.  It is not being selfish in a way that doesnt care for others, but it is being selfish in a way that will help me to care for others better.